Connection Between Creative Genius and Being "Different"?

One of my students once asked me, "Why is it that every author is crazy?"  I thought about avoiding the question, actually, because who wants to go there, really?

First of all, there's that word "crazy" ...  (which, incidentally, is why it took me five minutes to come up with a title for this post ;-))

It's almost impossible to define "crazy", or I suppose we all have our own individual parameters as to what the word means.  Kooky?  Dangerous to yourself and others?  Impossible to understand?  Unique?  Those who beat to the march of their own drummers?  Manipulative?

And yet that long-ago student stumbled upon a kernel of truth that I had always been aware of on some level but had never really contemplated particularly deeply.

There is, in my opinion, an unquestionably correlation between creative genius and ... well, I'll call it eccentricity.  Michelangelo ... Marlon Brando ... Kurt Cobain ... J.K. Rowling ... Charles Dickens ... and so on.

And the so-called "27 Club" seems more evidence to support this theory than mere coincidence.    

I face it head on now as a teacher, usually through the unfortunate Edgar Allan Poe.  Before we read any of his stuff, I give my students notes about his life (I don't give proscribed notes very often, but I do when introducing Poe's biography).

Consider Poe's tragic existence ...

Dad left the family, Mom died when he was just a little kid of tuberculosis, his foster father didn't have much use for him, his foster mother died when he was still fairly young (also of TB), he had a gambling problem, his military career was a disaster, he married his thirteen-year-old cousin when he was in his late twenties (and said cousin died of TB ... gee, wonder if Poe was a carrier or something?), couldn't hold a job because he was by most accounts a hot-tempered and opinion twit, had a severe addiction problem, and died under very bizarre circumstances.  (That's the nutshell version, obviously)


When reading Poe's works (and I personally think he was a writer of prodigious talent), you can see the tragedies that shaped his life all over the place, an autobiographical legacy from a writer that will be remembered for being ... well, crazy.


There are very few writers, artists, actors, musicians, or any sort of master of a creative outlet who appear to have had "normal" lives.  (I know, "normal" is about as difficult to define as "crazy", right?)


Speaking for myself, I know for a fact that I would not be the writer I am were it not for those traumatic events that have shaped my own life.

And while I'm pretty sure I'm mentally sound, I have definitely been impacted by the learning disabilities that have complicated my existence, not to mention insomnia.

If I ever achieve the degree of fame as a writer where a biography would be written about me, it would probably make for an interesting read (not because I'm an interesting person but because I have somehow had so many interesting experiences).

Anyway, that's my take ... interesting life experiences (and, sadly, the more traumatic the ... better?) and/or mental illness foster creative genius, without a doubt.

What do you think?

Insomnia Advice: Bring it On :-)

I have been suffering from insomnia since I was a very young child.  I think much of the reason that I learned how to read before I was three is that my parents told me I had to stay in bed, even if I couldn't sleep, and ... well, there's only so  much you can do.

As you can imagine, I've heard every trick in the book.  Most of them are legal ...

I can honestly say that I have tried to battle my insomnia (which, if you are my Facebook friend, you are all too familiar with since I have a tendency to start ranting on FB when I can't sleep, which is with an unfortunate frequency).

But I've pretty much come to terms with it, all joking aside.  I've had a sleep study done (I learned that I have "ideopathic" issues falling asleep and staying asleep once I get there ... it was very useful ;-)), I developed good "sleep hygiene" (which is basically having a set routine and using relaxation techniques and such), and I have a prescription for Ambien that I use only when I am on the verge of going completely bananas from lack of sleep.

I have tried virtually everything to deal with my sleeping issues with the exception of hypnosis.  I am honestly pretty scared of hypnosis, because in addition to having horrible insomnia, I have horrible nightmares most of the time when I do sleep.  These nightmares are in general based around one of those traumatic life events that scar you forever, and I have dealt with it as much as I am going to.

I even hesitate to use Ambien overmuch because I get trapped in my nightmares sometimes, and I can't even wake up.  It's like being in a Nightmare on Elm Street  movie ;-)

But seriously, I am hoping that you will share your experiences with (and advice pertaining to) insomnia here.

I am compiling a list of things that I have tried and/or had recommended.  I have bolded what has worked for me on some level.

*  Melatonin
*  Ambien
*  Marijuana
*  Nyquil
*  Ginger root
*  Warm milk
*  Honeycomb
*  Reading
*  Watching television
*  Eliminating caffeine
*  Relaxation techniques (for awhile, counting backwards from 100 while actually visualizing each number worked)
*  Sex
*  Exercise
*  Intentionally staying up all night to "get caught up"
*  Advil PM
*  Music
*  Changing pillow positions/beds/and so on
*  Sleeping in a dark room
*  Muscle relaxants (Valium, Flexeril)
*  Sleeping in a bright room
*  Alcohol
*  Getting punished for bugging my parents in the middle of the night when I was a little kid
*  Warm bath

So, yeah, I think that's pretty much the gamut, other than the hypnosis thing, which I am not prepared to tackle.  I don't know that I ever will be, truth be told.

Do you have any advice (or encouragement) for struggling insomniacs out there?  Share in the comments :-)

Sunday Stealing: The August 20 Question Meme

I haven't done Sunday Stealing for ages, mostly because I'm in a funk.  I'm working on getting out of said funk.  Hence, I'll commence with Sunday Stealing now :-)


1. What's for breakfast?
I haven't been able to eat breakfast since I was pregnant with Addie and threw up every morning for eight and a half months.  You would think that after almost seventeen years, I'd be over it, but ...


2. Do you read a newspaper daily? 
I read my news online, from a variety of sources.  I try to get a well-balanced view of things ;-)


3. What do you do when you can't sleep?
Bitch and moan about it on Facebook (in case you can't tell, this happens a lot ;-))


4. Say a word that sums up your mood. 
Resigned.


5. Do you remember your dreams?
Yes, almost always.  It probably goes along with the insomnia thing ... I have seriously messed up sleep habits.


6. Name something from your dream last night.
I had a really bad dream last night, actually, about my sister getting badly hurt.  It was horrible :-(


7. Name a food that describes you. 
Because I am evidently sweet and versatile, apple pie ;-)


8. Today you are wearing:
Very stylish black pants from Wal-Mart (that are covered in golden retriever fur) and a red shirt.  I am a style maven on Sundays ;-)


9. What's in your pockets?
Nothing at all.


10. Did you sing in the shower today?I haven't taken a shower yet today.  We've been getting some wind and flickering lights as a result of the lovely Irene, so I figured I'd wait and take one later this afternoon.


11. What's the last song you heard? 
"Freak the Freak Out" by Victoria Justice.  I was watching Victorious with Belle.  Please don't judge :-)


12. Looking forward to the holidays? Trying to ...

13. Where do you want to be this instant?The beach ... I went to the beach house a little bit ago to get the electric mixer (forgot it there last night when we were in a mad rush of taking down screens and moving in the porch furniture), and having mashed potatoes with chicken for dinner tonight was worth braving the elements ;-)

Here's the view from the beach house porch:

14. What's for lunch? My sister was visiting last week, so our pantry became a bit more organic than it usually is.  She bought this kettle corn dusted with cocoa powder ... I ate a bowl of that for lunch.  Mmmmmmmmmmmm :-)


15. What's something you would like to do soon? 
I am so not going there!


16. Reading anything now? What is it? 
I am always reading something :-)  As always, I have three or four books going at once, but the one most recently read is The House on Tradd Street by Karen White.  I've found myself addicted to her books ... they're somewhere between Jodi Picoult and Danielle Steele, which would normally make them far too "chick-litty" for me, but, hey, it's summer ;-)


17. What's for dinner? 
Chicken with mashed potatoes and some sort of green vegetable that comes out of a bag in the freezer.  That's assuming the power doesn't go out, of course, at which point we'd be up the proverbial creek since much of our food is still at the beach house ...


18. A favorite part of the day is: 
Reading Belle a story and putting her to bed :-) (not because I like to "get rid of her", but because it's a nice peaceful  time)


19. Are you happy? 
Shut up.


20. Guess how many people will do Sunday Stealing this weekend?
48

I Will be Positive if it Kills Me

In my new effort to be positive, I've been wracking my brain to try to come up with ten positive things that happened to me today. I'm trying to get my groove back, to say sayonara to the "Negative Nellie" that has been living my life for me of late.

It's funny, but when I went to make the list, I struggled. I understand why--it was not exactly what one would call a stellar day--but I think it's a start. Maybe.

Why, yes it is!

1. I had two pumpkin coffees from Dunkin' Donuts today. Mmmmmmmm.

2. There are people at work that understand my frustrations.

3. I got to work with the sixth grade teachers in conjunction with the literacy specialist to focus on how to improve student writing, and we had some great conversations.

4. I'm reading Helter Skelter again.

5. I'm not sleeping, but it's better than the alternative (I fell asleep with a lot of medicinal help Friday night, and I had horribly unspeakable nightmares that I could not wake up from--stupid Ambien).

6. I know what I need. It's not necessarily what I want, but it's what I need.

7. My car should be fixed tomorrow, and if not they will let me use a loaner. I am so grateful to my mother for letting me use her car while mine has been in the shop.

8. I figured out how to view pictures on my Droid. How scary is it when a "SmartPhone" is smarter than you are?

9. I taught Belle negative numbers. Stop laughing, those of you that know me in reality. I honest to goodness did ... if you ask the child, "What is 3-6," she'll reply, "Negative 3." I'm not going to lie and say she understands the concept behind it, but I think that's pretty impressive.

10. Addie was going to stay home sick today (she has a cold), but she dragged herself out of bed, got dressed, brushed her teeth, and so on in just under ten minutes. I was very impressed with her responsibility (she had driver's ed and a chemistry lab and stuff).

So that's ten good things ... the bads would be a much longer list, but I'm trying to change my attitude. Trying desperately.

Mind over matter, right?

Ink on the Face: Falling Asleep Unexpectedly

When I woke up this morning, I had weird black smears on my face. Upon closer inspection, I realized that the pages of my book had become superimposed onto my face.

Yeah, I literally fell asleep face-first on a book last night.

To fall asleep suddenly and unplanned and with no angst--I have been fighting epic battles with sleep my entire life, so this was a very odd experience. I'm not going to lie, I'd had Ambien plus migraine medicine and Valium (also for migraine and earlier in the day) so it's not like sleep should have been exactly elusive, but to just crash in the middle of a book, not even remembering it ...

I am fascinated by the nature of sleep. I don't think I've ever fallen asleep without "help" of one kind or another...ever. It wasn't like passing out, either, where the dizziness encircles you tighter and tighter until you drift away on waves of ... Well, whatever. It was--dare I say--what I always thought normal sleeping might be.

Is it me, or is there something magical about sleep?
Well, I'm off to replicate the task (with any luck ;)). Oh, and no Ambien tonight...I'm living dangerously ;)

Amicable Ambien

I have a funny Ambien story for you.

My lifelong insomnia is no great secret, but I have not been as outspoken about the little pill that has curbed (if not cured) this issue for me. Ambien, it's your moment to shine (although I still question the wisdom of giving you out to recovering addicts and alcoholics ... guess it's a lesser evil thing).

But anyway ...

I've gone through all the sleep stuff--Ambien, Lunesta, Advil PM, and various other things that--ahem--I might or might not have had a prescription for. **Cough**

The thing that's funny is, my doctor prescribed the 12.5 dose of Ambien CR some time ago. It worked better than most for me, although I still had a fair number of insomnia-fraught nights.

So I switched medical practices, and naturally I didn't write down the medications I was currently taking to bring to my physical. Most of what I take was pretty easy to figure out in terms of dosage, but we really struggled with the Ambien (I knew it was the CR--a double whammy that knocks you out quickly then slowly releases lighter medication to keep you asleep--but I hadn't a clue as to the dosage).

I really like my doctor. She said, "We'll start with the 6.25 dosage. If that doesn't work, we'll go to the 12.5."

Remember how I said this was a funny story? What's funny is, the 6.25 works a hundred times better than the 12.5. Any logic to that? I'm not sure--just grateful :)

Hopefully this makes sense--1) I've typed the whole thing on my BlackBerry and 2) I took my Ambien a few minutes before I started typing.

'Night :)

Relief Through Sleeping

I am something of a world expert in the area of insomnia. I've blogged about it before. Enough said about that.

Except, I suppose, that a lot of people have noted that I post a lot of blogs, comment on a lot of blogs, have a full-time job, raise two children, work on my novels every day ... how in the world do I have time to do this? The simple answer is, I don't sleep much. It's a trade off I would gladly give up, believe me. Insomnia sucks.

But the strangest thing happened last night. I was watching "NCIS" (I'm not a huge fan of television--so many great books to read, so many great books to write--but I just adore "NCIS" ... I think I might have a little thing for Gibbs :-)), first the rerun on USA Network that ran from seven to eight and then the brand new episode (this was supposed to be the highlight of my week), and I fell asleep about five minutes into it.

Fell asleep! With no Ambien, I might add. Just ... fell asleep. And slept until my alarm went off this morning.

Now clearly, much of this has to do with stress and not being able to sleep for several weeks. Yesterday, Pythagorus went to a new doctor, one that changed the course of his treatment, and I was so relieved that it was like I let something go in myself. And--I have to say it again--I fell asleep. At eight o'clock. With no sleep medication.

Woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you think the body just reaches a point where it needs to sleep or it will explode? Is true relaxing, restful sleep only possible when you are feeling at least moderately hopeful about the situations of your life? Why is sleep so imperative? Why is the feeling after a good night's sleep better than that first cup of morning coffee, dancing in the rain, or sex?

Sleep is a minor miracle ... I realize this so infrequently because it happens to me so infrequently. Those of you that do not have this problem (or even those that do, of course :-)), I would love your input.

Insomniacs of the World Unite

Actually, that's probably not such a great idea. After all, if every insomniac felt as I do (and after not sleeping well for two weeks, I'm kind of looking for a fight ... and I'm one of the most non-violent people I know), their united front would be pretty scary.

So if you've suffered from insomnia, what's your deal? I've had trouble sleeping since I was a baby--falling asleep, staying asleep once I do fall asleep, no emergent patterns, rhyme, or reason to when I'm able to sleep and when I'm not ...

And honestly, I've kind of gotten used to it. My mother suffers from insomnia, Mary suffers from insomnia, Addie suffers from insomnia ... it's just a raw deal my family got dealt. C'est la vie.

What I'm more curious about is, how prevalent is this problem? How many of you are up at night trying more than anything to fall asleep, popping Ambien and Lunesta and Advil PM, spraying "sleep spray" on your pillow and/or sleeping mask, drinking warm milk, slipping the Valium you have prescribed for migraines because it makes you sleepy if your timing is right?

How many of you have found something that works?

Insomnia

Like millions of people, I have suffered from insomnia my entire life. Perhaps the prevalence this condition (I hesitate to call it a medical problem, although it no doubt is on some level) is why it's kind of shrugged off with an, "Oh, you didn't sleep again? Sucks to be you" by the sleeping public.

I almost hit my husband one night a few months ago. Several times. And it's a good thing there were no knives handy. The first time "Pythagorus" looked over and said, "Are you having trouble sleeping?" I just nodded. By the third time, I was gritting my teeth to keep from going all Lindsay Lohan on him. At one point in the middle of the night, probably around 2:30 or so, I got up and went on the computer, hoping that it would bore me to sleep. Didn't work, but when I got back into bed, Pythagorus said, "Why are you going on the computer in the middle of the night?" And then this morning ... "You didn't sleep well, did you?" Gah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are a couple of different types of insomnia. For example, some people have a hard time falling asleep, but life is beautiful once they're able to finally achieve slumber. Others can fall asleep fairly easily but cannot stay asleep, hence never reaching REM sleep and getting a very poor period of rest. I fall into both of those categories depending on the night. Of the two, incidentally, the not being able to stay asleep bothers me more.

I have tried warm milk and relaxation music. I've agonized over setting up a bedtime routine. I've cut out caffeine (and withstood the horrendous headache that goes with this). I've kept the television off and books away from myself. I've tried keeping the light on (in fact, I've tried bathing my bedroom in various types of lighting). I've checked out actually watching television or reading a very boring book to see if it would lull me to sleep. I tried Advil PM and Benadryl.

Absolutely nothing worked, and we're talking months with very little sleep. I finally went to the doctor and had Ambien prescribed (but I got a little paranoid when Eminem very publicly struggled with addiction to that particular sleep aid, so I flushed it) so then I jumped on the butterfly bandwagon and had been using Lunesta with varying degrees of success for the past year or so. I'm back on Ambien now, although I'm not happy about it.

I wonder sometimes what causes insomnia, why some people have it when others don't. In my case, there is a very strong familial link as well as a fairly high level of stress both at work and at home. I question whether all of my insomnia is related to stress, however, in that I don't know what I could possibly have been stressed out about when I was five or six, and I can remember having serious sleep issues as early as then.

The nature of sleep is fascinating, really. It's a place to think, to de-stress, to escape, to hope, to dream, to fantasize, to come to conclusions you could never reach when in a waking state. I wish I could get there more often : )