Studying Abroad: A Parent's Dream ... A Parent's Nightmare

My brilliant and beautiful daughter, Emily, decided to spend the second semester of her sophomore year studying abroad in France.  She is currently on her way home (most recent text was "Wow Heathrow sucks"), and I cannot wait to see her.

Yeah, she's kind of amazing ...

One of her majors (yeah, she's one of those) requires a semester abroad, and since her other major is French, it was only logical for her to go to France.  She has been in Aix-en-Provence since the end of January.

She has also traveled extensively while there, from Krakow to Dublin, from Prague to Paris, and many other places as well.  She has gained an education through the culture and historical sites that I'm sure mattered far more to her than her university classes (Jeff was psyched when she posted a pic of Camus' headstone since it meant she knew who Camus was).

She went to Auschwitz, and it hit her very hard.  I mean, you can read about the Holocaust, but to actually see where these terrible and evil things took place ... shiver.

She's had some of your standard adventures.

For example, she got sick and didn't know how to handle it (she has pretty significant asthma).  I told her there must be doctors in France, but she was just overwhelmed about the process. She figured it out eventually, though.  She sent me this pic and said, "One is an antibiotic and one is an inhaler, but that's ALL I know."

There was some drama with the prepaid credit card her father sent.  And/or her bank card working.  She was having card issues, and it's very hard to help when you're so far away.

Then there's the stuff that you don't really want to know.

The text that says, "So I just swam topless in the Mediterranean."  A disturbing lack of specifics regarding the handsome young man that is in many of her Facebook pics.  The fact that she stayed in a hostel and had bizarre encounters there with a middle-aged man named Peaches.

The fact that alcohol unquestionably fueled much of her time ...

When she sent pics like this, I missed her so much that I cried (evidently peanut butter is a rare commodity in France)

So the bottom line is that Emily had an experience that she will remember for the rest of her life.  I do not know many details, although I cannot wait to spend time Monday hearing stories, looking at pictures, and hugging her a lot.

I am aware, very well aware, that there are some stories I will not hear.  I'm okay with that.  You don't go to a different country as a beautiful 19-year-old and not have some stories.

You know the funny thing?  I think Em and I have gotten closer while she was so far away (and we were pretty close to begin with).

She had a few rough moments that necessitated hourlong text sessions that happened in the middle of the night here, when I was awake nursing Gabby. We would both text if we saw something of interest to each other. We got to FaceTime a bit (but I hate FaceTime because I hate my face, so it was minimal).

Bottom line? This was an amazing experience for Emily, and a humbling one for me as I realize that my little baby girl is really and truly grown up.  She can navigate foreign countries ... does that mean that I can nag her for leaving half-empty cups all over the house?

If you are reading this, Cookie (and I know you usually do), please don't tell me the things I don't need to know (I'm pretty sure they can't be worse than what my imagination has created), but please know that I am so looking forward to hearing about your adventures.

Oh, and it's true that absence makes the heart grow fonder.  

Kids and the News: Good Idea, In Moderation, or No Freaking Way?

My eight-year-old daughter might just have more of a grasp on what's going on in the world than many adults do.  Or, at least, she's exposed to what's going on more than most.

I am not a morning person.  My weekday morning routine consists of getting jumped on by a black lab and a golden retriever (in that order) at 5:30 or so, letting them out, staggering to the Keurig to turn it on, feeding said dogs, operating the Keurig (usually ... sometimes I forget to put the K-cup in), letting the dogs in, putting Splenda and skim milk into my coffee, letting the dogs out again, urinating, letting the dogs in once again, staggering into the living room and turning on the news, and calling Belle down at six.

She and I snuggle and watch the news for 15-20 minutes.  We're both in half-asleep world.  I never dreamed she actually paid attention.

Belle has been watching the evening news with us since about halfway through last year as well.  She likes to know what's going on.  I'm good with that.

Or I thought I was.

The disaster at Sandy Hook gave me my first pause.  Was this something she really needed to see?  (I should note that my doubts were assuaged when they interviewed a child development expert who broke down the ages of how much to tell kids about ... Belle fell in the "if the parents think they can handle it, let them watch the news", which she totally agreed with)

So the idea has been on my mind a lot lately.

Something odd happened the other night, though ...

Even though I have the news on in the morning and at night, I get the lion's share of my information from reading news sites.  My auditory processing makes "watching" the news a less-than-ideal medium for me, so much of my phone usage is dedicated to reading the news.

Belle's latest obsession is my iPhone, and she's gotten to be downright nosy.  I was reading about the preliminary trial of the Aurora movie theater killer, and all of a sudden, I heard Belle say over my shoulder, "What's a trial?"

Because I am sometimes inarticulate, I drew her a picture.

I explained the whole concept of a trial to her, and then I wondered why I did that.  I wondered if I should have done that.  I wondered if there was any reason for this child to be aware what terrible things transpire in the world.

And I wondered, most of all, if she understood what I was talking about ... and if it will transfer into her increasingly complex thought process.

Oh, and, of course, should children be watching the news?  Is it worth the cans of worms it opens up?  Where is the line between "protection" and "fantasy world"?

I am proud of the connections Belle makes and her really very impressive knowledge, but I am very aware that the news is never a 100% happy experience.

What are your thoughts on this?

Insomnia Advice: Bring it On :-)

I have been suffering from insomnia since I was a very young child.  I think much of the reason that I learned how to read before I was three is that my parents told me I had to stay in bed, even if I couldn't sleep, and ... well, there's only so  much you can do.

As you can imagine, I've heard every trick in the book.  Most of them are legal ...

I can honestly say that I have tried to battle my insomnia (which, if you are my Facebook friend, you are all too familiar with since I have a tendency to start ranting on FB when I can't sleep, which is with an unfortunate frequency).

But I've pretty much come to terms with it, all joking aside.  I've had a sleep study done (I learned that I have "ideopathic" issues falling asleep and staying asleep once I get there ... it was very useful ;-)), I developed good "sleep hygiene" (which is basically having a set routine and using relaxation techniques and such), and I have a prescription for Ambien that I use only when I am on the verge of going completely bananas from lack of sleep.

I have tried virtually everything to deal with my sleeping issues with the exception of hypnosis.  I am honestly pretty scared of hypnosis, because in addition to having horrible insomnia, I have horrible nightmares most of the time when I do sleep.  These nightmares are in general based around one of those traumatic life events that scar you forever, and I have dealt with it as much as I am going to.

I even hesitate to use Ambien overmuch because I get trapped in my nightmares sometimes, and I can't even wake up.  It's like being in a Nightmare on Elm Street  movie ;-)

But seriously, I am hoping that you will share your experiences with (and advice pertaining to) insomnia here.

I am compiling a list of things that I have tried and/or had recommended.  I have bolded what has worked for me on some level.

*  Melatonin
*  Ambien
*  Marijuana
*  Nyquil
*  Ginger root
*  Warm milk
*  Honeycomb
*  Reading
*  Watching television
*  Eliminating caffeine
*  Relaxation techniques (for awhile, counting backwards from 100 while actually visualizing each number worked)
*  Sex
*  Exercise
*  Intentionally staying up all night to "get caught up"
*  Advil PM
*  Music
*  Changing pillow positions/beds/and so on
*  Sleeping in a dark room
*  Muscle relaxants (Valium, Flexeril)
*  Sleeping in a bright room
*  Alcohol
*  Getting punished for bugging my parents in the middle of the night when I was a little kid
*  Warm bath

So, yeah, I think that's pretty much the gamut, other than the hypnosis thing, which I am not prepared to tackle.  I don't know that I ever will be, truth be told.

Do you have any advice (or encouragement) for struggling insomniacs out there?  Share in the comments :-)

Interesting Reading ...

I love to read blogs. Love, love, love it! I don't always have the time to leave comments and such (although I'm making more of an effort, because I know that I LOVE to read comments...not a hint or anything ;-)), but I do a lot of blog-reading.

Which is why I think Natalie from Mommy of a Monster and Twins is a genius for posting not just a list and descriptions of good blogs, but for specific noteworthy posts she's come across in the past week. Therefore, I'm stealing her idea (hopefully she doesn't mind).

The first one is kind of a cheat, since I wrote it. Still, I'd like to share with as many people as possible the story about the middle school girl who posted on Facebook that she wished Osama bin Laden had killed her math teacher. There's conversation going on over at Zelda Lily where it's posted, so feel free to discuss it there or here.

Do you find the word "moist" to be offensive to women? Evidently, some women do, and an exploration of why this is equated with ... womanly parts instead of, say, brownies, is extensively explored here. Very interesting read!

I suppose on some level I knew that dandelion wine actually existed. However, I never dreamed that I'd get to see what it looked like (in different stages of creation, even), and especially getting a recipe that I'm *gulp* contemplating giving a try.

For those of us that are writers, description is an area of concern. Do you want to be bare bones like Hemingway? Effusive? How much is too much? Now, thanks to this post, I'm thinking a lot about description in my own writing (and, by the way, my own approach is that I try to use dialogue to convey description).

The magic of childhood is explored extensively in this post. Taking the time to remember the good times and the bad (and the worst) is always a good thing to do, and the pictures here are priceless. I left a comment there that was pretty much a blog post in itself, just because I was so excited by the memories evoked.

I love to hear the parenting woes of others. Goodness knows my own children drive me to distraction at times (currently, Addie is still dragging her feet about getting her first job and Belle is being Belle--which, if you're a Boston Red Sox fan, is akin to "Manny Being Manny), so it's always nice to hear about the tribulations of others, particularly when they're presented in such an interesting and humorous way.

Even though I'm known for being a reader, I also love movies. I don't like TV, but I'm a huge fan of movies. Like, all movies (except ones adapted from books, which is a different conversation). This is a great reminder of some of the great RomComs out there :-) Netflix is going to love me this weekend!

There are, of course, a multitude of other great posts, but my mother is freaking out because the printer isn't working, so I have to go do my tech support thang.

What do y'all think of this idea? If you like it, I'll do it more often :-)

Why Don't Kids Want to Play Outside Anymore?

The answer to that question is, unfortunately, easy: because it's so much easier to park them in front of a TV, computer, or video game system. Come on, 'fess up, how many of you have said, "It's a Wii, they're getting exercise"?

I was reminded of this, one of my major shortcomings as a parent, this afternoon. Belle and I went up to Andy's to hang out for a bit. The day was gorgeous, just perfect, so Belle played outside and played hard. She and Dawn and the little girl from next door played house and ran around with a wagon and made up games with big rubber balls. Andy even flew a kite with the girls because it was pretty breezy.

If Belle had been home, she would have spent most of the afternoon watching "Phineas and Ferb" while I graded papers or wrote or whatever. It's really pretty horrible the more I think about it ...

The thing is, it's not just me. This is a widespread problem in America. Any ideas for a solution?

Kids Finding Fun in Random Ways : )

Belle and I are at Andy's for the night. Belle and his daughter, Dawn, played outside for a long time this afternoon, sledding and then some game of their own invention on the swing set.

It's so nice being here for a variety of reasons, not the least is which that Dawn is great at making up her own games. It's really good for Belle to be around someone her own age with the kind of imagination that Dawn has. Belle spends much of her time with adults (or with Addie, who treats Belle like a little princess), so having the opportunity to interact long-term with a child like Dawn is a real treat for her.

While dinner was cooking, Andy pulled the string on a party popper in the living room ... which definitely got the attention of Belle and Dawn. The girls took turns pulling party poppers, enjoying the noise (naturally) but having perhaps an even better time with the leftover debris.



I've learned a lot over the past few months about what makes children happy. You'd think, being a teacher, I'd know, but I guess that a) it's different when it's your own kids you're dealing with and b) my area of expertise is high school students. I never thought I'd see the day when my little Belle was content playing with scraps of ribboned paper forced out of a tiny tube.

The girls were even more amused, by the way, when Andy started chasing them with the vacuum cleaner as he was cleaning the mess off the carpet.



Do you think it's valuable for kids to learn to play driven by their imagination? Why is this such a novel concept? What are some memories from your childhood that didn't involve items bought from a store?

Is There Something Wrong with Believing in Santa Claus?

Some jerky kid told my younger daughter, "Belle", that there's no such thing as Santa Claus.

As a result, many people are trying to convince her that the child in question got misinformation. My entire family is going crazy trying to find all the things she asked the mall big-guy-in-the-red-suit before that little turd ruined it. Pythagorus and I found her a sled "big enough to ride on with Addie" (Addie is my older daughter), per Belle's request. My mom pretty much bought out the Polly Pocket section at Toys 'R' Us. My sister Mary, who lives in Florida where they sell bathing suits all year round, has been searching desperately for a Finding Nemo bathing suit (Belle does not like change--she's had a Finding Nemo bathing suit for the past three or four years, getting a new one as she gets bigger).

It goes beyond my biological family, though. For example, Belle's babysitter managed to set up a phone conversation between Belle and Santa when her husband called to let her know that the local AM radio station was having "Santa" available for an hour's worth of phone calls on their Open Mic program. Well, Belle thought that was wonderful; I was especially touched where she wanted to make sure he knew that "My sister has been a good girl this year, too." The funniest part was that Pythagorus was on an errand from work and happened to be listening to the radio, and he heard a little girl that sounded an awful lot like Belle talking to Santa. The look on his face when he found it it was, in fact, the princess herself was priceless.

But I remain concerned about two issues.

The first, and more personal to me, is that Belle isn't just a bright little girl, she is relentless. I think we've saved it for this year, I truly do, and I deeply appreciate the family and friends who have played a role in helping us out with this. The problem is, Belle inherited her father's logical brain, so a seed has been planted that she will work over and over in her brain and eventually reach the inevitable conclusion.

The second, and bigger problem in general, bothers me more. Why is it that kids glorify so in bursting someone else's happiness? Who teaches them those lessons? Is this just more of the human nature that drives me crazy?

One of my earliest memories is from a day when I was probably younger than Belle. My dad was unloading the dishwasher, and I asked him point blank, "Santa isn't real, is he?" He hemmed and hawed (he's a lawyer, he's very good at the hems and the haws) but finally gave in since I was pretty adamant (I don't remember how I found out, incidentally). He did ask one thing of me: "Just don't tell your brother." I didn't. My brother Adam (four and a half years older than me, by the way) steadfastly believed in Santa Claus until he was ten or eleven.

If a little shit like me (and I was by all accounts pretty evil as a child) could keep that surprise for her siblings, there's no reason that others can't show some respect for others and let them hold onto that little piece of magic. Part of me wants to say it's in the raising, but my raising wasn't exactly beautiful ... although I choose to give to my parents the fact that, when push came to shove, my values and morals and better nature--all learned, if piecemeal, from them--were basically good.

This might seem naive, but I actually do believe that Santa Claus does exist. I mean this with all sincerity. No, I'm not delusional but, as an aspiring writer, I've developed a pretty decent gift for observing human behavior. Why is it that, around the holidays, people donate money they don't have to the Salvation Army? How come so many people, many of them desperately poor themselves, donate hundreds of canned goods to the local food pantry? What does it mean that I just read a letter to the editor of my local newspaper depicting an incident where an obviously struggling woman had her purchases paid for by the lady in front of her in line? Donations to Toys for Tots and other similar causes? Handwritten Christmas cards? The number of people going out of their way to find that one perfect gift to give to a loved one?

Some people call it the Christmas spirit. I choose to call it Santa Claus.