Playing on the Kindness of Strangers?

It seems that times are always bad, that there is always a call from the March of Dimes or the American Cancer Society, jars out at Mom and Pop markets collecting money for local residents in crisis, and the bi-annual trip to donate clothes to the Salvation Army.

It should come as no surprise, therefore, that the internet has pervaded this field.

My friend Denise, who is quite possibly my first writing fan and most definitely one of my BFFs, will at times suggest ideas for me to write about.  In fact, she even wrote a post as a guest blogger for me about science and stuff because she's a smart lady.

I got this from her via Facebook a few days ago:

Katie,
Man, I wish I could write like you (EDITOR'S NOTE: SHE REALLY DID START WITH THIS).  I think your writing every day and my reading every day is making me think about things and ask questions (always was that way but I had learned to kind of shut it off- unless they were scientific what do you do with them).  So anyways- I joined an online support group for my lung problems- long story short someone posted a link to one of those personal sites requesting money- which I felt was kind of inappropriate.  I kind of wondered after this if that was uncharitable of me.  She did have a sad story- but most of the people on that site have it just as bad if not worse.  That being said- As a general rule I only donate money to what I consider legitimate sources but I give tons every year in new clothes, coats, hats, mittens, baby supplies, christmas gifts, food drives, etc.  I wondered if this was really not right.  I wonder what your readers would think?

Personally, I am rock solid in the area of giving (time, energy, Emily's entire Abercrombie and Fitch wardrobe when she decided to stop being a Material Girl), but like Denise I am uneasy about money, especially where the internet is involved.

I have given money twice via the internet.  I do not regret either donation, and I should note that they are very small.

One was for a former schoolmate who had a baby at 25 weeks pregnant.  I had given birth to Gabrielle shortly before this little peanut was born, and I know this girl has worked incredibly hard and had to overcome some really rough times, and she couldn't even go to visit her baby every day because of both transportation and several other kids at home.  I gave a small monetary donation (very small), but the more I think of it, she probably would have been better off if I'd volunteered to babysit or something.

The other was a page made for the man who was like a third father to me, Kenneth P. Carroll.  I also eulogized him, so to speak, on this site.  Again, the monetary donation was a small one, but I felt it was worthwhile. After all, burial costs are huge, and nobody wants to think about things like cremation and coffins and steel to keep the worms out as long as possible, but they are real problems.  Ken deserves dignity in death, a place where those of us that love him could go visit with him for a bit, throw back a few red labels, and probably cry with the loss of a man so great.

Denise made a really interesting point, though.  Everyone has some sort of sob story, most of them completely legitimate.

Speaking for myself, I am out of work on maternity leave/extended medical leave due to complications, so my last paycheck was over three months ago.  A tire on my car needs to either be repaired or replace (which of course means two tires).  Ari is likely to be advanced in gymnastics, which is awesome but more money.  We're behind on the mortgage. Even though I'm out of work, we have to send Gabby to daycare two days a week to hold her full-time spot in the fall.  We're living creatively and eating a lot of pasta. Oh, and after wearing a size 8 for over three years, Ari decided to grow all of a sudden, so now we have to worry about getting her new clothes.  I'll just say thank God my ex-husband started paying child support during this time.  

Could I start one of those "Go Fund Me" pages? I bet I could. I am not choosing to be out of work, I am just not medically able to return.  I've got a pretty good sob story that is absolutely true if I chose to use it.  I am, by the way, kind of uncomfortable writing about this because a good friend of ours gathered from our Facebook posts that money was tight right around Christmas and sent a check, several of my former students made extremely generous offers, and so on.  I am not asking you to think about me in those terms.  We'll be fine in August when I can go back to work. La vita e bella.

Anyway, I think that there are many, many people in need, particularly the working middle class, which Jeff and I fall squarely into (when I'm working ... living on his paycheck with the number of dependents we have does, I believe, put us below the poverty line).  You can all probably think of many people that need a little financial boost.

But is asking for it on Facebook, other than in truly extreme situations (and use your own definition of that ... the fact that I donated money to Kori David's life and to Ken's headstone means they were extreme situations and worthwhile for me), a little tacky?

Yeah, probably.  It's not something I would ever do personally, though.

Because I'm with Denise on this.  Time, work, sewing, reading or playing the piano at a nursing home, casseroles to a family where the mom is in the hospital (or jail), that is all good, solid, and honest.  There is a need, you know what the need is, and you do what you can to fulfill it.  Asking for money over the internet, other than in extreme situations, is crass.

When I was going to college full-time as a single mother working three jobs, my parents would drive up with boxes full of food.  Ham and Coke and fresh fruit and vegetables and cheese and peanut butter and frozen soup and pasta sauce homemade by my mom and packages of chicken and hamburger and so on.  They figured out pretty quickly, you see, that I was not good with money.  Emily never went without, but there were days I didn't eat, and I'll tell you, Hamburger Helper without the meat is pretty crappy.

My parents were very wise.  If they gave me money, I might spend it on something other than food (not intentionally, of course, but out of mismanagement).  They donated food instead of money because they knew that it would be used for the intended purpose.

I think that's the bottom line, the nobleness of the intended purpose.

And I want to note that, while many sites claiming to be "collecting money for Cancer/Lupus/ Autism/Cerebral Palsy/name an ailment" are very shady.  As little as 5% might be going toward actual research, and a much higher percent is going to the CEO's bank account. Do research before you donate.

So yeah, I guess that's where I stand.  

What are your thoughts on donations?  

**And also, I am trying to build up a following for this blog.  If you like what you read here, please go to Facebook and give it a like.  I am working on getting money for my writing while I'm on medical leave, so popularizing this page could be your way of giving me a simple and easy donation ... unless, of course, you think what I write is crap.  Just figured I'd ask ;-)

Got Ignorance?

I am so tired of ignorance.  Saying that, I realize that there are of course situations where I myself am ignorant and act accordingly.  

I think it's that I've had more time lately to think, and what I see when I look around honestly scares me.

Take people who are against homosexuality, who claim it is fake, who believe it can be cured.  

I mean, who would choose to walk such a hard road? Who would opt for harassment, discrimination, and the probability of physical violence?  Who would want to live a life where marriage to the person you love, like, and are sexually compatible with is not possible? 

Those against homosexuality throw Leviticus 18:22 ("You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination") or even the mighty 20:13 ("If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death; their blood is upon them") around, but the truth is that most of these people have never read the Bible.  They hear someone fling two random quotes around, and suddenly the Bible is this giant tome decrying homosexuality.  

I can fling quotes, too (and I've read the Bible).  The one I try to keep in mind when this comes up (because I know an alarming number of anti-gay people) came, according to the Bible, from the lips of Jesus Christ himself: "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same." (Luke 6:32)

Judging someone by their sexuality (unless it involves children or animals) is just ignorant.  Michael Sam's sexual orientation will always be just a little bit bigger than his football career, and that's sad (I do have to confess that I've heard a few Rams jokes that made me laugh, and I am ashamed to admit that).

Live and let live.

Then, of course, there's the abortion debate.  This one gets people pretty fired up, and with good reason.  I  mean, who doesn't love a baby? 

(Sorry, any chance to add a picture of Miss Gabrielle is taken)

Speaking of visuals, though, this cartoon has been floating around Facebook and the like for awhile.  

 No matter which side of the "choice" debate you land on, the fact is that there is some truth to this.  

By and large, the people that identify as "pro-life" are the same people that are all angry about welfare (or they are on welfare, which is, I suppose a whole new level of ignorance).

I think we can all agree that gallivanting through life aborting fetuses willy nilly is morally reprehensible.  However, that is not how it usually goes.

What about the seventh grader impregnated by her father, who might choose suicide over having to tell a secret that might or might not be believed?  And the rape victim, who would have nine months of constant reminding even if she did choose to give the baby up for adoption? The parents who learn that their fetus has a condition or disease that will leave them with a short, painful life or a long life full of emptiness because they have limited brain activity?

How about the seventeen-year-old whose birth control failed? I'm kind of an expert on this one, and I'll tell you that I am glad beyond words that I chose to keep this treasure, who is just finishing her second year of college.

  

With that being said, though, I believe that abortion should be legal.  I chose to keep that beautiful, brilliant girl in that picture, and I would never go back on that choice, but I had extensive support--emotionally, physically, and financially--from my parents.  Many don't.  In fact, I'd say that most seventeen-year-old parents spend a lot of time on welfare or skirting the poverty level (and I should probably note that I am extremely liberal on most issues but I am right of the Tea Party on welfare fraud).  

Hmm, let's move on to vaccinations.  How's that for a big debate?  It shouldn't be, but it is.

Anyone who speaks out against vaccinations has obviously never looked at pictures of tetanus victims or considered the ramifications of a polio outbreak, or measles, or mumps, or diptheria.  They use statistics from a unilaterally debunked study by Andrew Wakefield, who has since been barred from practicing medicine.  

I mean, Gab had five shots at her last physical.  Five.  Would I, as a parent, put my child through that if I didn't think the benefit outweighed the risk?  Would my pediatrician knowingly inject my child with something where they felt it put forth any sort of possibility that they would be sued?

Disagreement is a good thing, I think.  I enjoy hearing different sides of issues, and even if I'm not going to change my mind, I think it's useful to think about where others are coming from.  We are all human beings, yes, but our upbringing and education and life experiences all form together a unique stew, and no two are the same.

That's part of what makes life interesting.  So disagree all you want.  Seriously, just be respectful.

And, for the love of all things holy, don't be ignorant.

Ignorance is the biggest problem in America today.  It is quickly followed by apathy, but that is a post for another day.

Am I wrong on this one?  Am I just sticking out a palm with the words "YOU'RE IGNORANT" on it in big letters to people that disagree with me?

I'm curious to know your thoughts.