Trying to Find Writing Again ...

So I think it's safe to say that I've lost writing.

This is heartbreaking to me, as writing has been my solace, my sanity, and my safety since I was a very little girl. I don't remember NOT writing ... and now I can't seem to do it.

There's a part of me that says, "Gee, you know, maybe I've said all I need to say." Deep inside, though, I know this isn't the truth.

So, then, what is?

I think the truth is that the things I have to say are complicated. They are inflammatory. They put a lens on people, including myself, who have not acted well.

That lens is strong. It's unbreakable. It's also got a "no going back" clause.

I have always had a rebellious streak. I never wanted to do what I was supposed to do in the way I was supposed to do it.

However, I also have a "people-pleaser" streak. I would hope that nothing I write would never hurt people. At this point in time, I'm not sure that's possible.

I could write about fluffy bunnies and Christmas spirit and how beautiful the ocean is ... but who really cares?

What I want to write about ... well, I suspect people would care, but it might piss off a lot of people. Intentionally lighting fires under folks is not my style.

And so I'm silent.

The other problem is that there is a novel brewing. It's very John Irving-esque, and it's largely true. Writing that novel could either kill me or save me. I'm not sure I'm ready to roll the dice on that one.

Yet it haunts me, that story that is begging to be told, that story that has never been told. Even with the protective label of "fiction", I don't know that I have the courage to go there, and so I beat myself up metaphorically every time I fire up my laptop.

Anyway, I'll stop rambling. I am going to try to write more.

I don't feel like me without writing.

Blogoversary Giveaway: Living, Thinking, Writing, and Reading in New Hampshire!

As of March 8, 2011, I have been writing this blog for two years. Many things have changed in my life since then, but one thing that hasn't is my location. I have lived in New Hampshire my entire life, and it's safe to say that the beautiful state I live in (and the interesting people I get the chance to interact with on a regular basis--can we say "Old Yankee", anyone?) has shaped the person I am, both as a human being and as a writer.

To celebrate, I'm holding my first giveaway!!!!

Living, Thinking, Writing, and Reading in New Hampshire

So, if you're interested in these lovely items ...

A Prayer for Owen Meany [Mass Market Paperback] by John Irving, a wonderful book that will make you laugh, cry, and ... think (it also has the distinction of taking place not just in New Hampshire but in my little part of New Hampshire)

Delicious maple sugar candy made right here in the Granite State

REAL maple syrup, also made right here in NH

Dunkin' Donuts coffee, because it is one of my favorite things in the world






and, finally, a mystery prize ;-)

Enter the giveaway to win :-)

To enter, you must be a follower of this blog. Please leave a comment on this site with your e-mail address. This gets you one entry.

For additional entries, you can:

Follow me on Twitter (+1)

Tweet about this giveaway (+1)

Add The Philosophy of KLo as a Networked Blog (+1)

Read through the prologue to my completed novel, Unbreakable, recently posted on this blog (yes, I know it's long ...) and leave a comment with feedback (+2)

Mention this giveaway on your blog and leave a link to it in the comments here. (+1)

The contest will close at 12:00 a.m. (EST) on March 8th (my blogoversary, if I hadn't mentioned that ;-)). The winner will be selected from random.org.

Good luck!

Part I of the Ace Meme, Which Proves My Ineptitude at Math ... And An Offer for Y'All

Yes, I did Part II of the Ace Meme from Sunday Stealing on Monday. Yes, this is Part I. No, I'm not good at math ;). But David Batista of The Bimillennial Man posted Part I of this surprisingly interesting and telling meme, so I figured I'd do the same (the fact that I've already done Part II notwithstanding ;)).

Before I get down to it, though, I want to make an offer. I love memes, but I find that some of the questions are limiting or irrelevant to the poster or whatev. So I am planning on making a meme made up of questions that come from Y'ALL :-) Yup, leave questions in the comments or send an e-mail, and I will answer them in a weekend post. Nothing is off limits (*gulp*), and you'll have my 100% honesty in terms of replies and thoughts.

Anyway, back to The Ace Meme Part I ...

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
I had my appendix out when I was in second grade, a little two-inch slit on my lower right abdomen. Appendectomy scars are interesting because you can see in this fairly common surgery the advances in surgical practices over time. My aunt had her appendix out as a child, and her scar is easily three or four times the size of mine. When I had my gall bladder out in my mid-twenties, it was done laproscopically, and the scars are minuscule and almost impossible to see unless you're looking ... I guess most appendectomies are done that way nowadays.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM
I sleep in the attic of a barn, shared with a seven year old (Addie has a room in the main part of the house, and it looks like my mother is planning on converting the guest room into a bedroom for Belle). There is nothing on my walls. The barn beams are beautiful, though ;)


3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?
Not that I know of :-)


4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Anything (from rock to Irish folk and everything in between) but country and rap that exists just for shock value and to see how many superfluous swears you can fit into one song. I love rappers like Tupac Shakur and Eminem, for example, because their songs have far deeper meanings underneath the cursing.


5. WHAT TIME WERE YOU BORN?
7:30 a.m. So was my momma, and Addie was born at 8:30 a.m.


6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
It's far too complicated to explain on a meme ;)


7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
I miss the family members that are no longer here ... and the many and varied traditions that existed because of them which no longer take place.


8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?
Other than my children, probably my Droid :-)


9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
5'2". Most of my students are taller than me. In fact, it's kind of a rite of passage to become taller than Ms. Loud.


10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Kind of. I have some control issues (it's why I'm scared to death of flying), and if I feel trapped, whether by closed walls or by having to trust some random pilot to fly carefully, I get incredibly upset.


11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?
No, but I do get bored in the dark. I have quite a bit of trouble with insomnia, and I've spent a lot of nights in the dark trying desperately to fall asleep. I usually end up falling asleep with the light on only because when I put out the light, I wake up. But scared? Nope.


12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
You know, I don't know. Isn't that weird?


13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Snakes.


14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON PEOPLE YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO?
I'm don't usually judge on hair color, but I do have a thing for dark brown eyes.


15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING?
I'm a girl, I don't propose, I dispose ;) (just kidding ... I really don't have a clue)


16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Coffee!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I must keep Dunkin' Donuts in business with my coffee addiction.


17. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Cheese. I'm rather dull ;)


18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
My mom just made a delicious breakfast casserole (eggs, cheese, a little bit of bacon, croutons, chopped tomatoes, onion, and green pepper), so I'm way too full to think about eating at the moment. I never say no to a lobster roll, though.


19. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?
Red :-) I think it has to do with that Scorpio thing ...


20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
That's horrible! Never!


21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?
My parents got me a gorgeous Seiko watch for my high school graduation. It was the first "grown-up" present I received, and I will always remember it.


22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
A real life crush? Nope. I do enjoy Ben Affleck and Mark Harmon and Charlie Sheen (I know, it's that "bad boy" thing left over from my flaming youth) and Seth Rogan.


23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?
Nope ... I can do a split, though :)


24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
I'm kind of impartial. I went through the whole "material girl" phase, and now I'm just sort of like, eh, whatever.


25. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE FEMALE/MALE CELEBRITY?
I love Angelina Jolie. She's very real, is honest about her flaws, is an incredibly gifted actress (seriously, check out Girl, Interrupted), and walks the humanitarian walk instead of just talking the talk or donating money or whatever.


26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?
Yup, two.


27. WHAT KIND IS IT?
Dogs, a black lab and a golden retriever. Love them :-)


28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
I'm not sure I believe in falling in love ... but assuming that it is possible, yes, I would. Life experiences aside, I very much want to believe in love.


30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED?
Nineteen. (I'm suppressing the urge to yell, "69, dude", a la Bill and Ted.


31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?
Brunettes. There seem to be some many different shades of "brunette". Addie's hair is a beautiful color, somewhere between blonde and brown, and it's got shades of everything in it ... I could never get tired of looking at her hair (Belle's, like, white-blonde almost, but I assume it will darken because her father and I both have very dark hair).


32. FAVORITE QUOTE?
"We are all terminal cases." --John Irving

33. FAVORITE PLACE?
Hampton Beach :-)

Elizabeth Strout's "Olive Kitteridge" Captures the Heck Out of a Small New England Town

Elizabeth Strout's Olive Kitteridge has been my "car book" for a couple of weeks now. I should probably explain, I'm sort of like squirrels when it comes to books ... I hide them everywhere so that I'll have one on hand for every occasion.

Right now, my upstairs book is The Kennedy Women: The Saga of an American Family. My downstairs book is The Scarpetta Factor. My classroom book is Where the Red Fern Grows, which I've read a hundred times and still love.

And, like I said, Olive Kitteridge has been my car book for a bit so that when I have to go pick Addie up from practice (or when I'm stuck at really long red lights) I have something to do.

I think I ate something funky over the weekend, so let's just say that I went home sick under less than ideal circumstances with many a stop at random gas stations along the way. I'm feeling much better now, which is why I think (I hope) it was just, like, something ingested (or something that my pancreas wasn't thrilled about ... Chuck E. Cheese pizza? Perhaps) instead of a bug. But I'm way off track ...

Yeah, the point is that I brought Olive Kitteridge inside to read while I convalesced, and just totally lost myself in it.

When I was in high school, I saw Grace Metalious' Peyton Place (Hardscrabble Books-Fiction of New England) on a library shelf. Although I'd heard many a sordid reference to it, I'd never read it. Needless to say, I got down to business and totally submersed myself in a world that was all too familiar.

Although I grew up on the New Hampshire seacoast, where we have more in common with Bostonians than the small town, stereotypical, "Ayuh"-stating hick, I am familiar with those small towns. Metalious had it down cold. As did Stephen King in Salem's Lot, John Irving to a certain degree, and Elizabeth Strout with the truly amazing Olive Kitteridge.

I'm not a book reviewer or anything, but I find it amazing when authors are able to capture the nuances of a region with such skill. It's like driving north a few towns, going into the general store, and bumping into some real characters ... totally relatable!