Struggling for Sibling Status

Believe it or not, my daughters almost never fight. Their one bone of contention, interestingly enough, involves my mother--their beloved Mimi. They had a real blow-out today ...

My cousin asked Belle to be the flower girl in her wedding. Naturally, Belle was thrilled at the prospect to be part of the attention and wear a pretty dress. She's a little fuzzy on what exactly a flower girl does, but she's stoked.

This morning, my mother called and wanted to know if Belle and I wanted to go to the bridal store in Nashua with my aunt and cousins. I had an eye doctor appointment at eleven (finally got my new contacts--woohoo!), a softball game to attend at one (several of my students were playing), and Addie had a haircut scheduled for three, so I was pretty tapped out for the day. My mother pointed out that it seemed that, while I might be busy, Belle seemed to be available. Long story short, Mimi took Belle for the day.

After Addie's haircut, we drove up the New Hampshire coastline, taking the scenic route to my mother's house. She and Belle were outside playing catch with Mollie when we got there, and they were very excited to share the details of the day. We had dinner (spaghetti and salad, mmmmmm :-)), and as we finished eating, I realized something interesting.

Addie was ripped. I mean, she was furious.

Obviously, she wasn't furious so much as she was jealous. She was the first granchild, and my parents spent a more active role in her early upbringing than most grandparents do. Therefore, Addie is used to being the light of Mimi's life. The only light of Mimi's life. My mother has always been very, very careful to make sure that Addie doesn't feel usurped from her position as princess-on-a-pedestal as far as her grandmother is concerned. However, today was unquestionably Belle's day. As far as I'm concerned, she deserved it--Addie has owned her grandmother's adoration and special moments with Mimi for fourteen years, while Belle has never had the same kind of experience. She was thrilled at the chance, thrilled at the day, thrilled at the flower girl prospect, and thrilled to be "Mimi's Girl" for a day.

I think what sent Addie over the edge was when Belle announced to her grandmother, "Mimi, I think I'm going to come live with you." Mimi said this was absolutely fine with her, and Addie's eyes just about popped out of her head. I guess Addie might as well get used to it, though--in addition to my girls, Mimi is now grandmother to Adam's little Pete (unspeakably cute, I might add) and Mary and Jon's baby is due any day now.

Do you think most parents and/or grandparents have "favorites"? Is it possible for this title to be usurped? Do all kids feel like they are the favorites sometimes (I've said to both Belle and Addie when told that I like the other one better that they are both my favorite, depending on the day)? How devastating is it for a child to realize that they are not the one and only? Is "favorite status" really all it's cracked up to be, or is it a double-edged sword? Given the interesting triangle between Mimi, Addie, and Belle, who do you feel most badly for, if any of them?

It's not a big deal, really. I mean, everyone ended up happy, and Mimi had a great day with Belle and a great dinner with all of us. It just got me thinking about some of this stuff ...

The Five Best Books I've Ever Read

I realize that this is a very subjective list, and I'd be lying if I said that my list doesn't move around a bit. Or that there aren't some serious exceptions (putting Stephen King's entire body of work into one spot, for example) that might be playing it fair exactly.

But here they are, with brief explanations ... and in no particular order (since, again, it changes so much).

1. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Perhaps I just hold it a bit dear because I'm an insufferable tomboy and my father is a lawyer that tried in his way to stand up to some pretty horrific things, but there's no doubt that this is one of the most powerful books ever written. Plus, it managed to (briefly!) make me want to go to Alabama, just to see what it was like. Then there's the added bonus of Lee's portrayal of Truman Capote as a boy (embodied, if you didn't know, by Dill Harris). Makes me laugh, makes me cry, and I've read it over two hundred times.

2. The Dark Tower by Stephen King
When I get my Ph.D., it will focus on Stephen King--I'm a freaking aficionado like very few people are. With that established, I'm going to sneak in that not only are there seven books in the DT series, my argument is that every single book, short story, and laundry list King ever wrote falls under the DT umbrella.

3. The Godfather by Mario Puzo
It's very rare for a book about people who go around killing each other in a family feud that is of Montague/Capulet proportions to allow you to actually care about the characters. When Sonny Corleone was brutally shot down by a hundred bullets after being set up by his brother-in-law, I cried ... even though I'm aware of the death and destruction Sonny rained down on countless others. Puzo's masterpiece also gives secondary characters a far richer role than most authors afford them. It makes a difference. A huge difference.

4. The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough
I've never been a fan of the "they all lived happily ever after" brand of love story. I mean, that's just not the way real life goes. McCullough's Meggie Cleary and Ralph de Bricassart love each other with more passion and feeling than any sappy hero and heroine from the supermarket bodice-rippers, yet their love is forbidden in many and varied ways. That their love endures (well, kind of) despite these obstacles makes it seem real ... and all the more heart-wrenching for that. It's also a very interesting statement on the role humans play in their own destiny, on whether we have a choice at all, and whether we can walk away from that which seems to be eternally waiting for us.

5. The Cider House Rules by John Irving
This was a tough one, considering that I adore many of Irving's books (notably Garp, Owen Meany, and Hotel New Hampshire), but I really liked the way Irving was able to take a polarizing issue like abortion and present both sides in a rational yet sympathetic manner. I don't think anybody going in supporting choice changed their mind, nor do I think the pro-life contingency suddenly had a change of heart, but I think it was an eye-opener--a small one, but still an eye-opener. And if you've seen the movie, it doesn't count. READ THE BOOK.