Balance: 1/3 + 1/3 + 1/3 = Me

I had an epiphany at a teacher retreat I went to last weekend. It's easy to dismiss it as kind of "touchy feely" (the candle in the center of a circle doesn't help the argument), but it's been a great opportunity for me.

I feel like I've finally gotten to know myself, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Simple. Mathematical, even. I've tried counseling before, both for attempting to get over a major trauma and in an ultimately fruitless effort to save my marriage. Counseling didn't help one iota ... but the teacher retreat just *wham* did it for me.

Suddenly, I realized who I am.

1/3 Mother
This is, of course, the most important part of my life. Addie and Belle are absolutely the joy of my existence, and I strive to always be the best mother I can be for them. I'd say that I do a pretty good job here, and my children get the very best of me.

1/3 Teacher
The part of me that is a teacher is also pretty impressive. I convey knowledge about reading, writing, and thinking to my students. I care about my students, and they know this. I strive to present lessons in interesting, memorable ways that students will remember and carry with them as they (hopefully) become lifelong learners. My goal is that no student will leave my class unarmed in terms of that "lifelong learner" thing, and I think I'm pretty successful there.

And then, of course, there is that final third, the piece of me that allows the other 2/3rds to be so fine and noble.

I have a self-destructive, impulsive, daredevil, utterly ridiculous streak a mile wide accompanied by a devil-may-care attitude that does not show up in my life as a mother or a teacher. I hate these things about myself, absolutely hate them, and for a long time I wanted to destroy this part of me.

But then, in the midst of the "circle of trust", I realized that I would not be the mother I am, would not be the teacher I am, if I was good and calm and so on and so forth in that third part of my life.

When it's just me, myself, and I, I court trouble. I totally do. I flirt with danger. I push the envelope. I'm not proud of it, nor am I happy about it. And I've actually gotten infinitely better over the years, believe it or not.

Oh yeah, one other thing ... that final third of me? That is the writer.

And I'm not sure how I feel about that ...

Overextended

Well, in case you couldn't tell, it's been quite a week ... the reasons being thus:

1.  We had an educational consultant at our school for the week.  I had the opportunity to work a lot with her, which was incredible and I got a ton out of it, but I lost my planning period in the process.

2.  Which is just as well since there is a study hall in my classroom during my planning period, so it's hard to get anything done then anyway because the kids in the study hall want to talk to me and I feel bad saying, "Leave me alone, this is my planning time".  Here is a picture, in fact, of me in the school bathroom taking pictures during my planning period ... it was an upside down kind of day ;)

3.  I had afternoon duty this week.  That means, "Stand in the lobby and keep the kids from killing each other for fifteen minutes."  It's not very fun.

4.  I had late meetings on Monday and Tuesday.  Monday wasn't too bad (got home around 6:30 p.m.), but Tuesday was pretty rough because I had nobody to watch Belle, so I had to leave work promptly after lunch duty, drive an hour to Belle's school, drive an hour back to my school, hope and pray that Belle behaved during the two hour meeting (she did ... she was wonderful, in fact, because one of my friends got her set up on a computer in the back of the library with headphones, so she played PBS Kids games), drive 45 minutes to pick Addie up, and drive forty minutes home (and yes, in case you needed to ask, it was snowing and the driving was terrible).

5.  The migraine from you-know-where started to settle in on Tuesday, probably a combination of stress and a pretty severe bout with insomnia that kept me from sleeping for three nights straight.  Anyway, I took a sick day on Wednesday and slept all day.  Felt much better after that : )

6. I'm a class advisor, and my students are doing a lot of fundraising.  This week we had a Valentine's Day carnation sale, but it meant that I had to spend my lunch time in the cafeteria with my students while they were selling flowers, so I lost my lunch (as well as my planning time) all week.  On a positive note, the flower sale was AMAZING ... we sold well over a hundred flowers, which was awesome (I work at a very small school).

7.  My group of students are putting on a dance tonight, so trying to get everything organized for that has been stressful.  My co-advisor is out on maternity leave, and I have to be honest, I totally took for granted all the things she usually does.  It is very stressful trying to do all this stuff on your own.

8.  I went out with the gang from work last night.  I am no longer 21, which is a fact I sometimes forget ... days of thoughtlessly downing Scorpion Bowls and shots of McGillicuddy and 151 need to be in the past.  Oh, man ... it was a lot of fun, though :-)

So anyway, I have been neglecting this blog because there just hasn't been enough time this week ... to breathe, never mind write.  I'm working hard on my meme, by the way ... I'm quite excited about it, actually :)

How do you handle those weeks when everything just seems to pile into a perfect storm of stress and commitment that make you feel like you should have gone out of your way, at some point in time, to learn how to juggle?