So How Do You Date When You're 34?

This is me. I am sad. Here's the story ...

I volunteered to chaperone a dance last night for my schooltown's (as opposed to my hometown) youth community center.  It was virtually all middle school kids, and they thought it was more fun to stand around and complain, text each other (when they were in the same gym ... I just don't get it), and try to touch the bottoms of the basketball nets.  My friend Holly was also chaperoning, though, so it could have been worse.

Holly and I knew we would need to go get a drink after the dance ended, so we texted our friend Harry and he agreed to meet us at the restaurant where Holly's husband bartends. It was pretty low-key, but it was nice to hang out with my friends for a bit.

Anyway, I got home and I could not sleep. It was just totally dreadful. I'm an old hat at insomnia, but last night was rough (if you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you can see how unpleasant I was at one in the morning).

I tried all the tricks--deep breathing, relaxation techniques, shutting the light out, keeping the light on, getting an extra pillow, and so on. It was far too late for pharmaceutical assistance considering that I had to get up with Belle, so I finally just put on my iPod and listened to music.

Worst mistake ever. Now, I love music--it is, in fact, one of my favorite things in the world. For some reason, though, the playlist I had going was heavy on some stuff I don't want to admit having on my iPod, but I guess I need to in order to get this post back on track. We're talking Peter Cetera's "Glory of Love", Howie Day's "Collide", Boston's "Amanda", Sinead O'Connor's "Nothing Compares 2 U", just embarrassing schmaltz like that. It's like my iPod was trying to depress me or something (I did put on the Barenaked Ladies/Chili Peppers/Dave Matthews Band playlist, but it was of course too late by then).

I posted recently about logistical challenges faced by single folks, but last night I got hit hard with the, "Everyone else in the world is happy and with someone and you are alone" pity party. Not a good place to be.

I don't normally go into detail about certain parts of my life, and dating is one of them. Just because somebody hangs out with me does not mean that he should be blog-fodder. The sad thing is, though, that I can pretty much generalize that my dating forays over the past year have involved a) men who think they will get sex on a first date (I don't pretend to be a saint, but this is really almost comical), b) men who drink a lot of alcohol (not that I'm against alcohol, but it's just kind of a collectively large--and therefore noteworthy--amount), and c) men who really don't know what they want out of life. Oh, and let's not forget d) men who are married but still think you will give them sex because you went to high school together or you know their parents or whatever.

Where are the men who are nice and normal? Do they exist in the year 2011? I'm convinced they don't in the northeastern United States, at least.

Bottom line, I am tired of being alone. Last night, when Holly was joking around with her husband about how she wasn't leaving him a tip because it would be like him tipping himself or when Harry was talking about his girlfriend pulling the grays out of his hair when they're in bed at night, I felt lonelier than I've perhaps ever felt in my life.

Man, I need to listen to something uplifting next time--Nirvana, maybe, or Seether. Heeheehee.

Oh, and if you want to make me smile, enter my very cool giveaway :-)

The Infamous Promised Meme

Well, my life just gets more and more interesting ;-)  Another pancreatitis flare-up, having surgery on Tuesday, and just in general exhausted and continued overextended.

But I'm here now to post the odd collection of questions put together by my readers ... I had lots of fun with this :-)  Hope you enjoy!

(Oh, and there are some questions that were really not meant to be included here, but I felt inclined to include them anyway, just because they were either an interesting challenge to write about or made me think a lot ... or both)

1. Is there something most people find funny that you absolutely do not? (from David Batista)
Actually, there's quite a bit of stuff that evidently goes over my sense of humor ;)  I know I'm going to take some heat for this one, but I'm kind of lukewarm on Saturday Night Live (yes, even the older ones).  Parts of every show are LOL funny, but I've always wondered how people can sit at home and watch marathons.

Also, I tend not to laugh at the misfortune of others.  I know that sounds kind of "preachy" and I'm definitely not like that and would never judge anyone for finding a guy getting hit in the genitalia by a golf ball funny or chuckling when a baby bird is trying to get out of an egg and gets stuck instead.  A lot of people tend to laugh at those moments.  I don't.

2. What do you find funny that most people don't? (from Jane)
I find humor everywhere and will randomly just break out laughing.  I think it's because my brain connects odd things together, I don't know.  Here's an example.  Belle and I have a tollbooth game we play, where we have to guess the gender of the tollbooth attendant before reaching the booth (this is honestly why I haven't switched over to EZPass like the rest of the world).  She always guesses boy, leaving me with  girl (and there are a lot more men than women at the tollbooth we frequent).  We were driving home the other night after picking Addie up from practice, and Belle shockingly announced that she was "calling" boy and "Mommy, you have girl, and Addie, you have basket."  We got to the tollbooth, and honestly, the person at the tollbooth was so androgynous that I couldn't definitively say which gender it was.  I'm not one to judge somebody on appearances, but I was laughing so hard I cried when, as we drove off, Belle said, "So ... who won?"

Or Addie got hit in the nose with a flag during winterguard rehearsal, and it was pretty ugly.  While at the ER, we nearly lost it over the fact that the doctor's name was (honestly) John Smith.  And there was a drawer containing a label that said "TAMPONS PLEASE SCAN" (yes, I took a picture ... if anyone ever stole my phone, they would think that the owner was completely nuts based on the pics).  Needless to say, I'm surprised Addie and I didn't get kicked out of the hospital for laughing as we tried to figure out what in the world "TAMPONS PLEASE SCAN" might mean.

So I guess I take the time to find life funny, which is a little rare (I honestly don't think many people would notice the little "TAMPONS PLEASE SCAN" label) :-)


3.  If you could go back and do a romantic relationship over, with a different outcome, would you? (from J.J. in L.A.)
No.

This was a hard one, actually.  I went through the whole stupid laundry list and contemplated briefly what I could have done differently and so on, but ultimately I realized that, no matter how hard and unpleasant and oddly twisted some of my romantic relationships have been, they have played a role in shaping who I am today.

And I'm starting to become pretty fond of who I am today.

4. What do you hate being asked? (from Martin Willoughby)
It's funny, I don't really mind being asked anything by complete strangers, but I get really annoyed when some of my relatives want to go on and on about the situation with Pythagorus.  "Why do you think he started drinking, Katie?"  "Can you believe that someone could change so much?" "Do you think he'll ever stop drinking?" "What could you have done differently?" "What is Pythagorus up to these days?"

I do not want to talk about Pythagorus with people that want to have the "before alcoholism" and "after alcoholism" conversation.  It's pointless.  I spent probably a year of my life keeping myself awake with these questions, and to have people ask me them--like, when I make it pretty clear that I do not want to talk about this--really irks me.

5. What is the funniest thing you ever did in front of your class? Was it planned or not? (from septembermom)
This cracked me up because I was voted "Funniest Teacher" in the yearbook superlatives section for this year ... and I never plan to be funny, it evidently just sort of happens.

My mouth has a tendency to work a lot faster than my brain, and my brain at times has a bit of a delay.  As an example, on my first day with a group of ninth graders five or six years ago, we were in a circle talking about the highlight of our summer.  There's an educational philosopher named Harry Wong, and I went on and on about how amazing Harry Wong was and how I wished I could spend more time with him after meeting him briefly and concluding with, "I think it's safe to say that I love Harry Wong" ... and having no idea why the kids were laughing so hard.

Then there was the day I was teaching the plot triangle.  I drew it on the board, talked about exposition, rising action, and climax, then asked, "What comes after the climax?" and an eighth grader raised his hand and said, "A cigarette."

And of course there was the infamous three-legged Romeo incident. I am the worst artist in the world, but visualization is something that kids today struggle with ... they are so used to movie adaptations that I sometimes think they are unable to come up with their own "mind movies".

Anyway, I was teaching Romeo and Juliet and talking about how the balcony scene, which has a reputation for being so romantic and stuff, is really very creepy. I drew Juliet on her balcony and Romeo hiding in the bushes in full peeping Tom mode checking her out, listening to her speak. But I drew Romeo as a stick figure ... and he appeared to have a third leg that could be interpreted a certain way given the context.

I could go on for hours ... something funny happens in my classroom at least once a day :-)

6. Who cares how many pickles Peter picked? (from Bud Weiser, WTIT)
I don't care a bit, as long as he keeps them far away from me ... I hate pickles.

7. Can you allow yourself to believe in love and trust? (from France Rants)
At this point in my life, nope. I hope it changes, though, I honestly do. I truly believe in the whole "happily ever after" dream and wish more than anything that it was a reality in my future. Time will tell, I guess.

8. From where your internal power comes from? (from getyourselfconnected)
I've been knocked to the ground a time or seven through some pretty unspeakable events. I think at some point, you have to make a choice on whether you want to stay on the ground and feel sorry for yourself or if you want to stand up and, yeah, risk getting knocked down again ... but being fully aware of all the beauty and goodness and laughter and living you'll miss out on if you lay "safe" on the ground curled in a fetal position. I did that for awhile, and knowing how amazing life can be has allowed me to get back up.

9. If you HAD to do it, what color would you dye your hair? (from Alleged Author)
I'd probably just dye it the same shade of dark brown it currently is, which might be happening soon because the grays are starting to really creep in. I wouldn't look good blonde or black-haired because of my coloring. I might go with green or purple or bright red as long as it was only temporary.

10. Which deceased author would you want to meet either in heaven or hell? (another one from Martin)
I would love to meet Shakespeare to find out if he really wrote the vast body of literature that is attributed to him. It is work that has brought me a great deal of pleasure as both a student, a teacher, and a human being, so talking about the universality of his works with the bard himself would be cool.

I'd also love to have a sit-down with J.D. Salinger ...

11. If you were on a desert island, would you prefer to have music only or books only? (And another from septembermom)
Wow, that's almost impossible to answer ... probably music, actually, which is surprising me (I made a list, haha). The thing is, books are only accessible when there is light to read by and, even though I'm a proponent of rereading, I personally read so quickly and voraciously that it'd be hard to keep me stocked in reading material on a desert island ... Music tells its own story and can be a constant source of comfort and light.

12. How was your weekend in Vermont? (from Marvin the Martian)
It was pretty fun ... way too much on my mind as a result, but what else is new, right?

I did walk the streets in a blizzard, and it was like being inside of a snow globe ... one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. The company I was with thought I was odd, I think, because I'd forgotten my jacket at home (I'm pretty dumb sometimes) but still wanted to frolic in the snow.

13. Who played Wally on Leave It to Beaver ;-)? (from Mac)

Tony Dow, natch ;-) (I am a fountain of useless information)

Musings on the Mullet

To my knowledge, there is no other hairstyle that has made as big an impact on American society as the mullet.

Last night, I went out with some of my girlfriends to a hockey game that was "mullet-themed." This included an eighties cover band, great snippets of music, an overall great time ... and mullet wigs.

One of the ladies is a season ticketholder for the minor league hockey team, and she thought "Mullet Night" would be the perfect time to take our friend Josie out for her birthday (it's funny how the stars align like that sometimes ... Josie is a hard-core child of the eighties, and this was just completely her element, so how cool was it that Mullet Night coincided so neatly with her birthday?)

I had a ball, of course, but I also made an interesting (well, to me it was interesting) observation. With virtually every song that was played, a huge percentage of the audience--and we're talking a range of people from four to eighty-four--sang along. What was it about the eighties that struck a chord in so many? Was the music truly so much better?

It's not like the sixties, for example, where the music was kind of a code for deeper messages. It's not like the music of today, a disjointed collection that appeals to small groups but doesn't appear to have that sort of decade-defining power. I don't know anybody that doesn't know the chorus to "You Shook Me All Night Long" or who can't hum along to "The Final Countdown" once it gets going.

What made it such a special time in terms of music ... and mullets?

Speaking of which, here's another pic of me in the mullet wig, just to leave you with a smile : )