As a result, I've been thinking about it all day, and I'm still not sure I've reached any sort of conclusion.
I believed in love when I was younger. I started reading when I was very young, and I think the elementary school me first saw love blossom and grow between Taran and Eilonwy in Lloyd Alexander's Chronicles of Prydain, including The Black Cauldron (The Chronicles of Prydain)
I mean, we're talking about this boy and girl who meet as children and fall in love, although it's never spoken directly between the two until the last book in the series, The High King (The Chronicles of Prydain)
, yet readers can all see it coming. As I grew older, I lived vicarious tales of doomed love. The Thorn Birds
, where a young priest and a girl he meets as a child are forbidden by his vocation from having a true relationship (well, for the most part). Romeo and Juliet
. Even Wizard and Glass (The Dark Tower, Book 4)
, where readers learn that Roland Deschain essentially betrayed his one true love in his relentless quest for the Dark Tower.But I'm talking about real life.
Robert and I were pondering whether or not love, a combination of emotional and physical intimacy, is truly possible in 2011, where the divorce rate is off the charts, a lot of people cheat, and most people are incredibly cynical about love. I have over ten years on Robert and was trying to play the wise friend offering advice, but what I realized is that I am cynical and almost jaded on the topic of love.
I have emotional intimacy with many, many people. My children, my parents, my siblings, my friends, many of my co-workers, a number of my students, and so on. It is strictly platonic, but it is totally legitimate. There is a sense of love, of caring, of being willing to go to bat (or take a bullet) for these people.
But am I anybody's number one? No. Does it bother me? Sometimes. Is there anything I can do about it? Evidently not.
The people who know me best emotionally are all male, which cannot possibly be a coincidence. I have had a physical relationship with only one of them (see next paragraph), and it could only be called a physical relationship in the broadest sense of the word (in other words, it only got physical when we were very drunk). One of them, my friend Chris from New York City, I have never met in person.
Which brings in the physical part. I don't kiss and tell, but I did a lot of thinking last night about the whole package, and I think that a lot of things changed for me on a fateful night in 1998. I think it ruined my belief in physical love and emotional love coexisting.
Perhaps someday I will find someone that can change my views on that, but I never realized until late last night, when I was trying to sleep, that using the physical is never going to erase what happened. It might even impede any possibility of happiness that might exist in my future.
So love? I don't know. Like I said, I have a great deal of emotional love. I have physical "love" when and if I want it, but they do not go hand in hand at this point in my life.
If I am ever able to find myself in a situation where that is possible, I think I can believe in love.
Until then ... the jury's going to be out.
Do you believe in love?
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Wow!
ReplyDeleteInsightful post indeed.
When and IF you can find your best friend (no drunkiness!) you may find true love as in the books. My god, my wife is the single greatest event of my life. I would die for her and my only hope is to make her happy, which I do everyday, as best I can.
KLo, my best hopes for you.
I believe in love.
ReplyDeleteFor me it can be described as feeling cared for by someone, despite who I am. Acceptance by them when I'm at my worst and my best.
Romance isn't love. Sex isn't love. Caring for someone is love.
It doesn't always come to us, but we can always hope...whilst getting on with out lives in the meantime.
I've been disappointed twice, so now I'm just getting on with living and let life bring what it will. Sounds like you are too. Have a pleasant weekend.
Yes, I believe in love. For me, love encompasses trust, kindness, humour and a lot of other feelings which have to be given to be received, to be worked at every day, though not always consciously. Some people find their partners early in life, others have to wait longer, but I do believe that there is a special person for every individual.
ReplyDeleteYes, I believe in love. My partnership with my husband of almost 28yrs is my soft place to fall.
ReplyDeleteJane x
Come and link up at emsyjo.blogspot.com would be great to include this post.
ReplyDeleteThis is too complex and, I think, important for me to give an answer here. I do believe in love, now I need to go off and discover why. Thanks for making me think about it, I probably need to.
ReplyDeleteLove is something I haven't felt in years. After getting my heart ripped out for the second time, I unknowingly chose women I cared deeply for, but not loved - not really. If they left, I'd be fine. It seems a cold way to live, but I didn't realize I was doing it until recently. Even my wife, whom I adore, can leave me and I'd survive. (I think)
ReplyDeleteAm I occasionally lonely, even when she's home? Yes. Do I have a great time with her? Yes. Almost all the time we have a great time. I think the definition of love has changed for me. I long to feel that sinking feeling I felt as a kid but that amazing and risky ship has sailed. I chose to stay on the safe and comfortable shore. I may have missed the point, but my heart is protected.
That's the first time I've ever admitted that.
ReplyDeleteWell sure I believe in love...and for the times I don't there is always angst filled music, good friends and maybe the occasional whiskey ;)
ReplyDeleteebbs and flows
I believe in love, but I think quite a few people think it has to be fireworks and adoration. Love--to me--involves quite a bit of respect whether it be fore friends or a lover. Wishing you much love in the new year. :)
ReplyDeleteLove is one of the most powerful forces known to mankind.
ReplyDeleteWe have philia, which is familial love. We have this for our friends and families.
Eros is romantic love. Philia has been known to transverse into eros, and vice versa.
Lastly, we have agape, unconditional love. I don't know if agape is possible. We all seem to have conditions on our love.
maybe the closest we can come to finding agape is a good dog. Dogs don't care hat we do for a living, what kind of car we drive, how much money we make, how pretty we are. They just love (in their doggy way).
Love, darlin', is real, and real powerful. I shudder to think of a a world without love.
Hmmm. I started to post a comment, but then went and read your Fateful Night and changed my response. (Am awed by your candor).
ReplyDeleteSo now I wonder if your real question is: Can you allow yourself to believe in love and trust?
I totally believe in emotional love, in agape love, unconditional love. It's not very common, and it's made worse by the fact that most people misapply the word "love" to simple lust.
ReplyDeleteI know some people who get by on lust. But they're not happy, and it eats at them.
I think the best way to find agape love is to not look for it. Then it has a way of finding you.
Yes, but it gets more complicated as you get older. You tend to compromise less (which actually is a good thing - they might as well know the real you) and you get more fussy. I love the way you write....
ReplyDeleteThank you for leaving this link on my blog. I really just don't understand why it has to be so complicated. I really think we (people) make it more complicated than it has to be, and oftentimes it's not our fault--we're jaded because of what we see, hear, experience, etc. So, even somebody who believes in love with all of his/her heart can feel cynical based on someone else's actions or words. Doesn't seem fair, does it?
ReplyDeleteAll we can hope is that there is a someone out there who will prove us right in believing in love and wrong in being cynical.