Friday, March 4, 2011

So How Do You Date When You're 34?

This is me. I am sad. Here's the story ...


I volunteered to chaperone a dance last night for my schooltown's (as opposed to my hometown) youth community center.  It was virtually all middle school kids, and they thought it was more fun to stand around and complain, text each other (when they were in the same gym ... I just don't get it), and try to touch the bottoms of the basketball nets.  My friend Holly was also chaperoning, though, so it could have been worse.

Holly and I knew we would need to go get a drink after the dance ended, so we texted our friend Harry and he agreed to meet us at the restaurant where Holly's husband bartends. It was pretty low-key, but it was nice to hang out with my friends for a bit.

Anyway, I got home and I could not sleep. It was just totally dreadful. I'm an old hat at insomnia, but last night was rough (if you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you can see how unpleasant I was at one in the morning).

I tried all the tricks--deep breathing, relaxation techniques, shutting the light out, keeping the light on, getting an extra pillow, and so on. It was far too late for pharmaceutical assistance considering that I had to get up with Belle, so I finally just put on my iPod and listened to music.

Worst mistake ever. Now, I love music--it is, in fact, one of my favorite things in the world. For some reason, though, the playlist I had going was heavy on some stuff I don't want to admit having on my iPod, but I guess I need to in order to get this post back on track. We're talking Peter Cetera's "Glory of Love", Howie Day's "Collide", Boston's "Amanda", Sinead O'Connor's "Nothing Compares 2 U", just embarrassing schmaltz like that. It's like my iPod was trying to depress me or something (I did put on the Barenaked Ladies/Chili Peppers/Dave Matthews Band playlist, but it was of course too late by then).

I posted recently about logistical challenges faced by single folks, but last night I got hit hard with the, "Everyone else in the world is happy and with someone and you are alone" pity party. Not a good place to be.

I don't normally go into detail about certain parts of my life, and dating is one of them. Just because somebody hangs out with me does not mean that he should be blog-fodder. The sad thing is, though, that I can pretty much generalize that my dating forays over the past year have involved a) men who think they will get sex on a first date (I don't pretend to be a saint, but this is really almost comical), b) men who drink a lot of alcohol (not that I'm against alcohol, but it's just kind of a collectively large--and therefore noteworthy--amount), and c) men who really don't know what they want out of life. Oh, and let's not forget d) men who are married but still think you will give them sex because you went to high school together or you know their parents or whatever.

Where are the men who are nice and normal? Do they exist in the year 2011? I'm convinced they don't in the northeastern United States, at least.

Bottom line, I am tired of being alone. Last night, when Holly was joking around with her husband about how she wasn't leaving him a tip because it would be like him tipping himself or when Harry was talking about his girlfriend pulling the grays out of his hair when they're in bed at night, I felt lonelier than I've perhaps ever felt in my life.

Man, I need to listen to something uplifting next time--Nirvana, maybe, or Seether. Heeheehee.

Oh, and if you want to make me smile, enter my very cool giveaway :-)

14 comments:

  1. At 34, most of the nice, normal guys (like me) are already married, but not all of them.

    You're a witty, intelligent woman (and not bad looking either) who should have no trouble chatting-up a man and getting him interested in you.

    (Here's one tip: Don't look for him in a bar)

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  2. Do you WANT a serious relationship? If you do , then I don't think you can look for it;it will come to you.
    Sounds old fashioned, but join a group that interests you; you will widen your social group,get invitations from people within that group and meet new people from that also.
    DO NOT think that you have to go for second best because that is all you can see right now. You ARE worth the best....just remember that!
    Jane x

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  3. I came to the conclusion that I need to wait and see what life throws at me and enjoy the fact that I can, for the most part, do what I like with my life.

    I also worked out that the kind of woman I'd like to share my life with won't be found at night clubs or pubs. I joined an acting company and a writing group, enjoy myself and wait.

    If the right woman comes along, great, if not, then I know (from bitter personal experience) that it'll be better to live alone than to live in a loveless relationship.

    It's hard being alone when you want to share your life with someone, but it's worse than being with someone who only wants to take.

    p.s. Try being single when your 47! And male! At least women get asked out, I have to go and do the asking and get rejected. (moan over, but sympathy welcomed.)

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  4. I have a whole bunch of single experience. It is not easy. It is all a matter of timing. And a lot of luck..

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  6. No, there are no nice, normal, available guys in the Northeast. I hear this from my friend in CT all the time.

    My advice: move to Denver, where everyone's in their 30s, fit, and single. Except the ones who are married. But the Denver scene is much better than in the northeast, I think.

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  7. Sorry to hear you're a bit down and sick of the single life. All of us can say "chin up!" or some patronizing words about being single or in a relationship, but the truth is that you need to put yourself out there - if you want someone. Men can't find you if they don't know where you are, and you're never too old to date. Seriously, my grams is 86, and she's still dating! Younger men, of course, but she's dating.

    It isn't easy, and you're going to go through a lot of idiots, dipweeds, and horndogs before you get to a real possibility, but you'll find him. It takes time and patience (I know... I know... how pithy of me!). Just remember, you've got an abundance of things to offer the right guy - you just have to go out and find him.

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  8. "Where are the men who are nice and normal? Do they exist in the year 2011? I'm convinced they don't in the northeastern United States, at least."
    I think you may be right :(

    Keep your chin up.

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  9. Rock on darlin, you are a special lady.

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  10. seether and nirvana isnt upliftin D: good luck though

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  11. I met my man when he answered my personals ad on Yahoo.com. I was 39, overweight, AND a wheelchair user. He messaged me because he thought I was pretty...and he still thinks so, 7 years later. Put yourself 'out there' and someone will be drawn to you because you're worth it.

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  12. I think married couples can become smug and wallow in their adoration of each other - fine when home alone but not when in company of single people. My best friend lost her partner 2 years ago and I was always conscious of the route she had to go on as a single woman. I stepped in and helped her find somebody - if you were in UK I would do the same honeybunch.

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  13. thanks for your comment on my blog! (:

    OH MY, yes. There seems to be a shortage of nice guys all around. Still, there are billions of people in the world so it's a statistical possibility that you'll meet one who doesn't make you feel like crawling into the box marked "Single. Forever."

    Or you can be like me - try to be asexual.

    Okay, fine, so I FAIL at trying.

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  14. Oh, well, this was so familiar!!! I refuse to turn on the radio anymore for fear that it will mock me. I promised BFF that I would watch American Idol. Being the good friend that I am, I tuned in...what song did one of the youngsters sing? All By Myself. Seriously? Kids that young should not be singing THAT song. But, that's what I get for being a great BFF--sad songs shoved up me rear.

    Really fantastic.

    I don't want to be alone, either. Still, I don't want to date someone just so I have someone...I try to think of it like this: You can either be alone with yourself or be alone in a relationship with someone else. I'd rather be on my own, then in the wrong relationship. Until the right guy comes along...I guess I'm all I've got. And, though some days are tougher than others, it's not so bad, really. Just avoid sad songs and keep the fridge stocked with chocolate chip cookie dough frozen yogurt.

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