Everybody changes. It's the one universal fact of human nature. Although many hold onto certain personalities traits they've always possessed, there is still a level of changing, of molding, of growing that takes place.
Although I've changed in some pretty awful ways over the course of my life, I can proudly say that I've changed for the better in the past year. I have found courage I never knew existed within me, learned how to balance my less than praiseworthy traits such as a quick temper and impulsiveness with the nobler parts of myself, and reaffirmed that my children are the center of my universe. I love my job and feel very fortunate to have found success and daily joy there. Without some small but vital kinks worked out of my psyche, this would never have happened.
What I don't understand, though, is what could bring about the change from a kindhearted, honest, hardworking, overall decent human being to a sneaky, nasty, lying, manipulative guy who stays in bed all day instead of getting up to go to work. I have tried desperately to figure out what role I played in bringing out Pythagorus' Mr. Hyde, but I'm not successful. I truly feel that I've done everything I could do, tried desperately to stop the changes back in December when they were just starting to heat up, begged Pythagorus to go to marriage counseling, worked hard to find out the root cause of his misery ... but I just couldn't reach him, couldn't get him to reach out his hand and meet me halfway, wasn't able to lift him up when he fell despite my greatest efforts--I just don't possess the strength to carry him, I guess.
I know this is probably rather enigmatic, but I do not want to be accused of "talking trash" about Pythagorus, so it kind of has to be that way.
I filed for divorce this morning. I am devastated, distraught, and destroyed, but it was the right thing to do for the girls, myself, and even Pythagorus if it means he will get help.
Even if you can't be married to someone, you can still care about them. That part of me wants more than anything for Pythagorus to face down his demons, to become once more a man of integrity, honor, and courage.
I wish I could say I truly believe that will happen ...
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Wow. This is unbelievably rough and unbelievably brave of you. Kudos to you for talking about it. You will definitely help others in similar situations.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
ReplyDeleteI wish I knew how to help or what to say. My thoughts are with you.
He sounds seriously depressed. It's not your fault. Without knowing any more than what's in this post, I worry that he's a suicide risk. Not your fault.
ReplyDeleteThe good news is that nowadays depression is treatable. He needs to be evaluated by a professional to make sure he's not bipolar (which would also explain his "change").
Unfortunately until he sees someone, there's not much you can do for him. The "root of his misery" may be chemical and have nothing to do with you at all.
Good luck, I hope he does get help.
I'm so sorry. I hardly know what to say. I feel for all of you and this may be the best place of all to express what you are going through. If it helps at all I am here to listen. And yes, I think you can still care.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear it KLO. But perhaps the taste of reality will give him the drive he needs to be the man he should be, for both of you. No matter how it works out, I wish the best for you. I have also had to deal with similar circumstances, and thankfully both of us were able to grow up and get back together. So if you want someone to rant to or wish to hear my perspectives on the subject, I'm more than willing to help out.
ReplyDeleteMy brother has been his own worst enemy for over a year and everyone is fed up with it. He lived with dad for awhile, then with us, and now with a friend, who is getting tired of him too.
ReplyDeleteIf you have to leave to save your sanity (and that of your girls) it's what you have to do. Hopefully this'll wake him up to facts and he'll be willing to pull himself up by the bootstraps.
I'm sorry. I can't even imagine how awful this must be. Best of luck with going forth. I'll be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteSending you prayers and good thoughts that everyone can get back on their feet and on their way to a better future quickly. So sorry. Hugs
ReplyDeleteOh, KLo I'm so sorry to hear this news, but I admire your strength for taking what is a very hard road that you know is the best for you and your daughters. Sometimes a person has to hit the very bottom of the abyss before they can begin to climb out again. Thoughts with you.
ReplyDeleteOuch.
ReplyDeleteThis is not an easy course to take, but it sounds like the correct one.
I do hope that this is a temporary blip in his life, but sometimes people don't change for the worse, instead they bring their real personality to the fore. It happened with my ex. The wonderful woman I married disappeared soon after the vows were made and it took me a long time to realise that divorce was the only way forward.
It's a rough step to take, but stick with it as it will turn out to be the best decision in the end.
If you get your real husband back, then the short term pain will have been worth it. If he doesn't change, then it will be better to have him out of your life.
I'll be thinking of you.
Oh KLO I'm very sorry you had to come to this decision. I've been through a divorce myself, one not of my choosing but still nonetheless very devastating to experience. I wish you luck in the path through the rollercoaster, if you ever want to meet up and have lunch or something I'm in NH as well. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteWow. That is a very brave step to file. I think for many people it is easier to stay in a bad situation then move ahead to the unknown.
ReplyDeleteYou're a very smart woman to recognize the damage he may be causing your children and wanting to get away from him.
He may or may not get the help he needs, but there is nothing you can do to do it. Just take care of what you need to to create a healthy environment.
I'm sorry. I hope he can turn himself around again.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear about this. It is a tough road to be in, but you will survive. I have survived through two divorces with children. It was not easy but felt it was something I had to do to keep my sanity and not fall into a deep depression. Today, I am friends with both of them and we are all better off. There is light at the end of the tunnel, trust that God will see you and your children through this rough situation. My email is thewritertoday@aol.com, if I can help you in some way, please feel free to email me.
ReplyDeleteThis is incredibly rough. Blessings to all of you guys. We'll definitely be covering you with prayers and thinking about you.
ReplyDeleteWow, thank you all so much for the outpouring. I truly appreciate your thoughts, prayers, and concerns. I am very fortunate to have met so many remarkable people through this medium. <3
ReplyDelete