Friday, April 24, 2009

Why Can't We Let Children be Children?

I'm sure most of you are familiar with the phrase, "A picture is worth a thousand words." Well, I found this on the celebrity gossip site I peruse obsessively and felt inspired to write.

Miley Cyrus' parents are everything that is wrong with our society. Raising a child is incredibly difficult--it's a balancing act, it's having to be the bad guy more often than not, it's saying no to what might seem your child's greatest desire ... and then having to live forever with the look in their eyes.

Every time I look at this picture, my brain keeps screaming, "She's sixteen. Sixteen!" And, of course, my reference point is my fourteen-year-old daughter, Addie as well as, to a somewhat lesser degree, my high school students.

All children break rules, particularly adolescents, I'm aware of that, probably even more aware than some. However, any child (and sixteen is child--just have a conversation with the vast majority of them ... you'll see what I mean) that is allowed to dress like that--and then be accompanied by her freaking father--that's just a loaded gun situation. Some might say it's a persona, it's a role she plays, but what kind of parents would use a sixteen-year-old as a financial and power pawn that way? Not only does Miley Cyrus not seem to have rules to break, her parents seem to be hell-bent on knocking down the norms of society as well in their dubious raising.

I might care less if I didn't have young daughters. This is not a role model I want them to emulate--but Miley/Hannah Montana, sort of like rocks on the beach, seems to turn up everywhere.

And I won't even get started on trying to find clothes for a five-year-old that don't make her look like a prostitute in training.

13 comments:

  1. Yep. Those clothes are there. We just have to keep looking for them. What's harder than finding for a 5 year old is finding for a 14 year old. You want a pretty summer dress? Try and find one with sleeves in the teen department.

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  2. Haha, I know, I was't even going to go there. My husband and Addie have epic battles over what she wears. She usually wins because she points out that at least she wears camis under her "cleavage-hanging-out" shirts ... many of her peers do not.

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  3. Yes, the Hannah Montana persona annoys me. Fortunately, I have a son; he's more likely to adore a Conan figure.

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  4. I am SO on your side on this one. I cannot believe the way young girls dress these days. And the parents often throw their hands up, "What can you do?"

    Gee, I don't know. You can be a freaking parent.

    She looks FAR older than 16 in that picture. She's not getting to be a kid, and you don't blame the 16-year-old here. It's the man standing next to her. Good grief.

    Some days, I really am sort of relieved I don't have a girl to raise in this day and age.

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  5. To be honest, I think I might have worn that when I was sixteen.

    I hear you on the sexualization of kids and teens; it creeps me out too, but I guess I wouldn't be as quick to lay it at parents' feet.

    But oh man, the clothes for five year olds?! I don't have kids, but I have seen pictures of some of these... creepy!

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  6. I guess I lay it at the parents fee because I see so many parents just throw their hands up over it and adopt a, "Well, what can I do about it? My kid's just out of control!" attitude. It frustrates me to be the mean parent who won't let my fourteen-year-old daughter do a lot of the things other kids her age are allowed to do (drink at home, have boyfriends sleep over, and so on).

    I think you're right about Miley's dress, though, upon closer inspection (and now that I'm not completely worked up on the subject ;)). I suspect I'd be appalled at some of the things I managed to get away with wearing when I was sixteen : )

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  7. **parents' feet** Yes, I really am an English teacher : ) lol

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  8. Well I have to say that I thought the dress was pretty. It wasn't low cut or trashy looking at all. I was expecting much worse. It's a minidress but I wore miniskirts when I was a teen and trust me if I looked like a hooker my mother wouldn't have let me walk out of the house.

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  9. It just struck me as sort of ... tight. And it's sort of the whole package, I guess, with me. My little one wants to BE Hannah Montana, and I get worked up on the whole bad role model.

    You're right, though, the dress is not as bad as I thought it to be at first.

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  10. I can imagine it must be tough to be the "mean" parent.

    I have a different perspective, which is that I did have boyfriends sleep over regularly starting when I was 15 (and a girlfriend when I was 14; that's probably how I started being able to do it, because she stayed over long before my parents ever figured out she was my girlfriend, and at that point, why have a separate rule for boys?).

    And this was actually a totally wonderful thing for my life in most ways. I look back on it and I can't imagine if I hadn't been able to have those experiences... not because I feel strongly about teen dating or teen sex in the abstract, but because all that stuff wound up being such a central part of my high school experience that it's hard to imagine myself without it.

    None of which is to say that you shouldn't have your rules for your daughter. Obviously. Families have to be able to figure this stuff out for themselves, and it really is rough that all the crap in the media (especially the sexist crap) distorts that process so much.

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  11. This is very compelling ... and I think you might have totally altered my thinking on this.

    Part of it might be due to a conversation my daughter and I had earlier, too. Basically, we have a pretty open relationship (my neuroses aside), and a couple of her friends are not being honest with their parents.

    You're right, when push comes to shove, I would rather know that she is safe and supported while she experiences all the different things that one has to experience to make you strong, to give you character. I can't protect her forever : )

    I still want a positive role model for young adolescent girls in the media, though : )

    Thanks so much for your thought-provoking comments : )

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  12. Hey, I'm glad it gave you something to think about! It's helpful for me to think about the parents' perspective, too... I'm in my mid-20s, not a parent, and I have all these memories and opinions from my own adolescence, but I don't know how that will play out when I'm confronted with actual children and my horror at many of the messages I'll see them getting from society at large.

    And that's fantastic that your daughter is pretty open with you. It sounds like you guys have a great relationship.

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  13. Haha, for the most part. Today, she is grouchy from getting home from Florida and having to go to school then having rehearsal until ten, so our relationship is a little tense ... until tomorrow ; ) She's a gift!!!!!!!!

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