Is it possible to be surrounded by people constantly yet still be lonely beyond words? To feel that nobody understands what is in your heart and your mind? To have turned to endeavors like writing (as well as other self-destructive acts that shall remain nameless) in an attempt to fill up that terrible aching emptiness? To know for a veritable fact that absolutely nobody understands you?
Is writing a salve?
Is writing a calling?
And what is the correlation between writing and loneliness? Based on my research, there has to be one, at least as a general rule.
Oh, God, I wish I could be an exception to this one ...
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Uh, writing is a huge escape from loneliness to me. I think it's unhealthy, because Nathan Bransford talks about how writing should never be used as a drug to relieve oneself from life. But I definitely use writing as a drug sometimes. It's just so convenient to divorce myself from reality in a good project. Alas, it is the curse of the writer.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes think all writers write to escape from something in their lives.
I have written about this on my blog too. It was something about creativity and the tortured soul. I know exactly how you feel. (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteI don't think I wrote to escape loneliness but try as I might I can't really say why I feel this compulsion.
ReplyDeleteYep, been there, done that many times in my life. Writing has always helped fill part of that hole, it's never easy being lonely, but it's nice to have something positive to keep you occupied.
ReplyDelete*hug*
*hugs*
ReplyDeleteI think writing can be all of those, and more. :D
I have found that writing demands everything I have...not as a drug consuming me, but liken to a lover accepting nothing less than my full attention. Only then do I realize that I am not alone; the words have always been there.
ReplyDeleteI did a paper in one of my psych classes in college on this. There seems to be a personality correlation with writing. Most writers are INFP, ENFP, or ENFJ Personalities on the Meyer's Briggs Scale(u can take a short version of this test here: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp). These personalities also have the highest instance of depression AND self-awareness--which means in psychology that they are very aware of what others are thinking, feeling, and reacting to, and they can monitor or change their own actions to make themselves seem a certain way to other people. The most important thing in their life is finding their meaning, and they will feel lost until they do so. For most of them, their "meaning" is DOING something first ahnd to make the world better, and writing is a huge way to do that. You can connect with others through it, and give meaning to life through the human connection. They are also very perfectionistic(I don't mean clean-most don't care about those details)--I mean that they have a standard in their life that requires them to do something that makes a difference-they hold others to a much lower standard than themselves--and -consequently, they feel they are never achieving what they really feel they want to. Most of the world's authors are INFP--
ReplyDeleteAND--Interesting fact: Nearly twice the number of famous authors have committed suicide than famous rockstars.
--another interesting fact--The number of writer's suicides have gone down by 30% since the inception of medication for depression. I sometimes wonder if we would have had the works of people like Virginia Wolff or Ernest Hemingway if they had medications that prevented depression. (okay- one more fact- Hemingway committed suicide with a shot gun bought through Abercrombie and Fitch--It was a real "safari shop" before it sold ripped mini skirts!)
I'm an INFJ, I think, but what's above describes me pretty well. I'm surprised extroverts are in the mix, considering writing demands being alone. Maybe that's what causes the blues, wanting to around people, yet unable to in order to pursue the craft.
ReplyDeleteI feel writing is a calling. Naturally, all writers have to be observant/intuitive, which can be exhausting. Not only do we live in our own little worlds, we attempt to analyze others motivations, and create our whole new made up ones.
I see that Pen Pen here said it all. I just wanted to say hi.
ReplyDeleteAnd loneliness doesn't have to be that scary. I value greatly my moments of loneliness and I know I need them to be sane, happy, to be a whole person.
After reading The Introvert Advantage I finally settled to stop dreaming and wishing that I would ever become a very comfortable social being. I accepted that I need solitude for my well-being, and there is nothing wrong with that.
All creativity requires a certain amount of 'solo time', leading to a feeling of loneliness. This can be exacerbated when we are surrounded by others who do not understand the need to create, be it through art, drama, writing or some other method.
ReplyDeleteAlso, when our work is rejected because someone doesn't feel that they can make money out of it, it hurts.
I've found that when these moods afflict me, I just kick back and let the misery have its day: tomorrow I will feel better.
Here, online, we may be separated by distance, but we're not separated by feelings or words and in that sense you are not alone.
Time will pass, the mood will change and the sun will shine again. Let misery have its day. Read a book, teach the kids, relax. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life, and as long as we are here on your blog, you're not alone.
I feel like this quite a bit. I write in a journal I don't write books and I used to write poetry but I stopped for some reason.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs..
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what writing means to me. But I write.
ReplyDeleteAnswers:
ReplyDeleteYes
Yes
Yes
Above average writers are sensitives
To be an exception might just mean your writing would suffer, as angst would be divided/shared instead of poured through fingers on keyboard.
You're not an exception. In this trek, I feel lonely all the time. Writing helps. Blogging helps. Good friends help. Let me know if you ever need anything. *HUGS*
ReplyDeleteIcy Roses--Maybe "drug" is the right word here. If I don't write regularly, I feel a compulsion to do so. I've heard that this isn't a healthy approach, but I guess I am what I am : )
ReplyDeleteLitGirl--My tortured soul and I are glad to know we're not alone : )
Travis--I think that's what I'm trying to figure out--why do I write? How could I NOT write? It's weird ... : )
Jenn--Writing does seem to fill up that emptiness inside of me. I'm actually a very upbeat, positive person in reality. It's just with writing that I get into Salinger mode : ) I think people that know me in reality would be very surprised, and maybe that's what I was trying to say.
Windsong--Writing is always more. That is kind of what scares me sometimes : )
CMC--Wow! Writing is like a lover, as I sometimes feel a stronger connection to my writing than to anyone except my children. That's an interesting analogy : )
Pen--Thank you ... this was incredibly informative and helpful : ) And I've officially decided to ban Addie from getting any more close at Abercrombie and Fitch ... I'll save a small fortune and make a point in Hemingway's name : )
Rebecca--You're right, writing is exhausting. I never thought of it quite that way (even when we're not actively writing, we're writing). It's sort of like when your cell phone dies because you're in the middle of nowhere and it's depleted its energy searching for a network. Strange : )
Lori--I'll have to check out "The Introvert Advantage" ... it sounds like something I'd learn much from. Often I embrace my loneliness, actually ... I don't think I made that clear in this post.
Martin--Thank you for your kind words : ) And with, "I just kick back and let the misery have its day: tomorrow I will feel better," I've deduced that you are brilliant : )
MD--Poetry is not my medium, but now I'm wondering if it might not be even more draining than writing novels.
Keri--Thanks, right back at you : )
Justus--And maybe that should just be the bottom line : )
Angie--You're absolutely right! I don't want to be an exception (I'm obviously in a better place today : ) ) because of the sheer joy writing gives me. As always, thanks for your wisdom.
ReplyDeleteLady G--Thank you : ) You cannot imagine how valuable blogging has been to me, both as a writer and as a person. I haven't been on this train long, but I've learned lessons (and met some exceptional people) that will say with me forever : )
Michael is absolutely right...writing is an old friend...For me, writing seems like my open letter to the world,my point of connection with others... and my link to those I love who are no longer here...I imagine they read my words from where they are...You are loved. ~Janine XO
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, KLo. I've always found that loneliness has nothing to do with where I am, whether it be a crowded airport or a solitary lake; instead it's a state of being in which I often find myself.
ReplyDeleteWriting is a salve, it's a way of reaching out to the world while at the same time still remaining apart. I find it difficult to fully integrate so loneliness is more of a choice than a problem, it just seems to be part of who I am.
Thank god someone else feels like this.
ReplyDeletex action wolfe
actionwolfe.blogspot.com
Hey Klo,
ReplyDeleteThought I'd jump over and visit you! And to your above question, yes, I've felt (and atill feel) like that many times. You are not alone, and from the looks of it, we've got great company--not meant in a bad way, of course!). Because neither my family nor many of my close friends write, it is only through my new blog and such sites as Verla Kay's message board that I have come to meet many new writing friends. And like others have said, writing (and reading) are friends. There are many times when I'd much rather be alone with a good book than in a room full of people.
Janine--I never thought about it in those terms (our writing being "shared" with love ones no longer here), but it gives me great comfort to think that way. You're wonderful : )
ReplyDeleteAdrcremer--Wow, well put : ) I find that when I'm feeling a lack of control in my life, I write more. Based on what you wrote, I wonder if it's a way of putting forth some sort of control, reaching out to the world, like you said, in the only way possible.
Action Wolfe--I feel the same way : )
Crystal--I never imagined that great company that I have ... and that I wasn't alone in often preferring solitude. Thank you : )
I think there is a connection, in that the act itself is often solitary, and as writers, we often go deep inside ourselves to find the things we bring out. I also feel like it can be a way of connecting with oneself too, though. And the real cure for loneliness, in my life, has been not to try madly to fill it, but to leave it empty and let something grow out of it.
ReplyDeleteAlso, for me, writing is very much about making a connection. To readers, both specific and abstract, to myself, and to something greater.
ReplyDeleteChris--It never really occurred to me to embrace loneliness, per se, but I think you might be on to something there. And connections ... that's what life and humanity and everything, really, is all about. I'm always trying to hammer that point home to my students, but sometimes I forget to remind myself. Thank you : )
ReplyDelete