Thursday, April 30, 2009

Letting Go of Grudges--Possible?

Maybe because it's the week after spring vacation (or maybe because I've become more astute since committing to this blog on a serious level), I've noticed that people seem to be holding more grudges than usual. I'd expect to see this in a high school, of course, but it occurred to me how commonplace it is in real life (a.k.a. "adulthood") as well.

I think that humans are in a constant state of flux, that we are definitely better people at some times than others. I know that I personally have achieved a level of maturity that I can live with only within the last year or so. Before then, I would act like a five year old at times, realize I was acting like a five year old even as I was doing it, but was sort of powerless to change things.

Despite my leaps and bounds growth in terms of outlook on life, I'm still a grudge-holder. Well, actually, that's not entirely accurate. If someone hurts me, my family, or my friends, I can move on. I never forget, though. Not ever. And forgiveness? Well, as it is written, "To err is human, to forgive divine." I'm nowhere near divine, so I guess it's not even worth thinking about.

But grudge-holding? Getting burned and then allowing someone back into your heart and your life? Is it easy? Is it even possible?

I think it's possible on a limited basis but only in certain cases. Sometimes I wish that I could have a more optimistic outlook, but I've recently been let down by several people that I strongly believed in, and it makes me a bit cynical.

Well, as it's also written (somewhere, I'm sure ... and not in that horrible song performed by Paula Abdul), "Two steps forward, one step back."

I guess I'm as much a work in progress as anything I've ever written ... and I think maybe this is true for everyone.

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