Saturday, October 16, 2010

Is "Use Me" Tatooed to My Forehead?

I only ask because ... well, it's been an interesting fall, let's leave it at that. I'll get into specifics at some point about most of it, but here's just one example of why I sometimes question the point of my existence on this earth. Am I merely here to fulfill the needs of other people?

Ahem ...

So Pythagorus, my erstwhile ex-husband, asked me last weekend while he was visiting with Belle if I would write a letter to the DMV stating that he's been sober for six months.

Here are the problems I have with that:

1. He has NOT been sober for the past six months, which I know for a fact because there was a hospitalization incident in July. He was asking me to lie to the government. Like, knowingly lie.

2. How the hell would I of all people even know if he's been sober for the past six months? I don't live with him or anywhere near him. Even if he told me he'd been sober, how would I know? He has certainly lied to me about it enough, swearing on Belle's life that he was sober when his blood alcohol level was at a. 39.

3. The essence of his alcoholic self is unchanged. The sweet, kind man I married is gone. Whether he's actually drinking right now or not, he is bitter, sarcastic, sneaky, passive aggressive, and emotionally cruel. What this tells me is that he will be drinking again as soon as he has the opportunity--he is currently the epitome of a "dry alcoholic", and I know in my heart that, as soon as he can drive himself to the liquor store, he'll be doing so.

I get so frustrated sometimes with always giving and giving and giving--and it's never quite enough. No, people always want more. I give freely to my daughters and my students and my mother (usually), but I'm really going to work on telling everyone else to fuck off.

That's not true, of course--it's against the very core of who I am--but it made me feel better to write it ;)

Oh, and that letter?

I just said no ...

3 comments:

  1. I'm happy for you that at least you recognize what is going on and have the strength to say no when it's absolutely necessary.

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  2. Good for you for not writing it.

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  3. Good for you! People can only take advantage of you if you let them.

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