I've gone back and forth about whether or not to share the latest drama in my life here. Since it's occupying much of my thinking, I feel obligated to based on the thought-focused nature (well, hopefully :)) of this blog. Also, it's going to end up being nothing, so I guess my philosophical mindset is on the anxiety so easily brought out by the medical profession.
So I have a lump.
It's funny, I finally start doing breast self-exams after going to a new primary care doctor, and I notice a change--a LUMP--after three months. I kind of ignored it for a month (my good friend the internet said that often these things are hormonal and related to the menstrual cycle) but, when it didn't change at all yet remained a presence, I decided to call the doctor.
Honestly, I was expecting to go in and have the doctor say, "What lump? You have a very vivid imagination, lady. You're freaking paranoid." Instead, she very nicely requested that I not tell her where I felt it so she could feel for herself and find it--or not find it--of her own volition.
She found it. Like, right away. She did say that it was more than likely just a cyst and not anything to be super-concerned about (the c word was conspicuously absent in our conversation). That said, however, she ordered an ultrasound "just to be on the safe side".
Funny story there, actually. I called the breast experts (Mammologists? Boobographers?) To set up the ultrasound, and they said I needed to have a mammogram as well. I tried to explain that the doctor said just an ultrasound, but what I got in response was, "When women over thirty are referred with a lump, we do a mammogram too." So I guess fifty cent coffee from Dunkin' Donuts isn't too far in the future ;-)
Anyway, the ultrasound (and mammogram, because I'm evidently freaking old) is scheduled for next week. I'm doing okay, actually--kind of a nervous wreck, but nowhere near as bad as I thought I'd be. Of course, the week is still young ;)
I guess what I'm mostly thinking about are the what-ifs. What if it is something awful? What would happen to my girls? What would life be like without boobs (I'm kind of attached to them, haha)? I am, of course, extremely lucky because everyone keeps stressing that this is all precautionary (my pancreas and I have heard that before, though, so I guess maybe that's part of what concerns me).
There are people that have to go through this when the future looks immediately bleak. That's not me right now, and is it okay that I am so selfishly, buoyantly grateful for that?
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Answer the questions-it will make you feel better. What if it is the "c word"? You felt it and called the doctor within a few weeks-that would be an early-stage catch. That would be a simple surgery, a quick recovery, and an excellent prognosis. It's a cyst, though, and it will be fine. You are not at all selfish for being grateful for that.
ReplyDeleteThis is like the last thing you need right now.
ReplyDeleteIt's probably just a cyst, if that's what the doctor said.
Praying it's a cyst. I've had one myself. I know it can be terrifying. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteIf it's a cyst, you can laugh at your own concern. If it's the 'c' word, maybe you'll be the girl who finds the cure. But cure, shmure, who needs a Nobel Peace Prize? We already know that it's just a cyst, right? That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Until I hear confirmation of said cyst, however, I will be beaming you good juju from my reserve 'for folks who could use the extra good juju' stockpile. :)
ReplyDeleteOK, man advice alert.
ReplyDeleteI don't have boobs, well not ones that can feed children anyway, so I don't know about all this. From what I do know, as long as they catch it early, the c-word won't be a problem. It sounds as though you've caught it early.
I'm praying for ya.
On a lighter note, men are told to feel their testicles for the same reason that women are told to feel their boobs. As if we need a reason!
Hang in there, I had the exact same thing happen to me when I was 27 right during my divorce uggh! nice timing, I was petrified, I was told to cut out any caffeine for 2 weeks prior to my ultrasound and mammogram, and the lump disappeared. Strange. Apparently it was a cyst and caffeine tends to feed them or some nonsense I don't know, but I pretty much gave up caffeine from that moment going forward, I was so petrified.
ReplyDeletePraying it's just a cyst and nothing to be concerned with. My fingers are crossed for you.
I hope it is only a simple cyst and nothing to really get worried about. Thankfully modern meds are so much better now that if it is worse, it is still probably fixable. Don't worry untill it's really time to. Just see what the docs tell you.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of you, and confident of non-malignancy. Also very excited about your imminent access to senior meals. Since I'm turning 39 in 6 days, I'm trying to look on the bright side of oldening...
ReplyDelete