There are many wise people out there on the internet. In fact, there are many wise people who read this blog. Therefore, I want to throw this out there and get your input.
In your opinion, is alcoholism "recoverable"?
I know many functioning alcoholics. They are able to get up and go to work. They are able to love and support their families. Their alcoholism is a sickness, yes, and certainly has adverse impacts on many facets of their lives, but when push comes to shove it's between these people and their livers, not to sound cavalier or anything.
No, I'm talking about the don't go to work, don't pay the bills, get arrested for DWI twice in less than two weeks, be taken to the emergency room twice (TWICE!) with a blood alcohol level over .35, emotionally abusive, borderline physically abusive, lying, sneaky, irresponsible, not bathing regularly, continuing to drive when plastered, going to AA and claiming a week's sobriety when buying wine, having a session with a substance abuse counselor when under the influence, break the hearts of people who care about you alcoholics.
What do you think?
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I’m not too sure I agree with alcoholism being classified as a sickness in the strictest sense any more than say, tobacco-ism. I personally believe the classification comes from a politically correct society in fear of being labeled intolerant. Alcohol is an addictive substance, okay, I get that. I think recovering from the effects of alcohol, or any addictive substance, is difficult and should not be taken lightly. It takes determination and a strong will.
ReplyDeleteI’ve been fortunate not to be personally affected by an alcoholic so maybe I’m just ignorant. I'd accept a need to be edcuated if this were the case. I’m not insensitive to the victims from the abuse and I understand how hurtful being in that position is, I simply disagree with the classification.
Bottom line: If the person with the alcohol problem agrees that he/she has a problem, and they want to fix the problem, they can. If they’re not strong enough to follow through on their own, then loved ones are probably necessary to assist them.
If you’re asking about someone close to you, I wish you the strength and patience to help them. Good luck.
Heavy question, with no concrete answer.
ReplyDeleteShort form: Yes, these deviants can recover and move on to better lives.
Longer form: It really depends on the person. This is something that they have to recognize and truly decide to change.
My parents don't drink because of alcoholic parents.
My best friend's mother was an alcoholic her entire life. She never brought friends over, and felt uncomfortable riding in the car with her mother. She went away to college and spoke very little with her mother or family because of these issues. One Thanksgiving her mother went missing and was found days later in a ditch, literally on the brink of death. It was a wake up call 20 years in the making. She quit drinking, and five years later is still sober and involved with her daughters life, and joyfully anticipating the birth of her first grandchild.
These people can recover, but the catch is that
ReplyDelete1) They must WANT to change
2) 'Recover' is a LIFELONG process.
I have known people who recover (possibly falling off the wagon here and there, yes, but running to catch up and hop back on) and are perfectly normal folk, some of whom I love dearly.
I have also known people who agree, they are an alcoholic, but hey, they like themselves just fine, and they won't change. I am friends (guardedly) with several, and I've cut several others out of my life.
It comes down to the person and what they want. My grandfather was a raucous, drink-over-the-weekend Italian. If he'd lived (died of a stroke tragically at fifty, before I was born, high blood pressure undiagnosed) I think he might have stayed that way. But he might not. There's no telling. My step-grandfather won't touch a thing, recovering alcoholic. My father rarely drinks anything. I, well, I really enjoy my scotch, but I never take a sip, that I don't think about the people I wish wouldn't drink at all, which keeps me cautious.
It is and it isn't. You can physically recover from it, but if your mind isn't willing to follow, then you never will.
ReplyDeleteYou can stop the drinking easily enough, but you have to change the desire to drink as well.
It is a sickness, a sickness of the mind. But if someone is more comfortable being sick, you can't help them.
Honestly, I believe there are a select few that CAN NOT recover from alcoholism. I think they can have periods where they are doing good but they will ultimately fall back into it (for a select few). They're the ones that say they want to change and sometimes take the steps but in the end they choose the bottle over everything else. They hit rock bottom and it doesn't change them for the better.
ReplyDeleteI know I've spoken on this to you before and after reading this post I feel like you've been tapping into my phone lines. lol. We just had my mom involuntarily committed to a residential facility for mandatory 6 months. She's had multiple DUI's and her last BAC (when she was watching my kids and couldn't even tell she had been drinking) was 0.38. SOOoooooo it actually gets worse for those that can't control the urge.
There comes a time where you get tired of dealing with the crap and hope the liver just fails because that would beat getting a phone call that they just drove drunk down the highway and took out a family of four (hasn't happened to me yet and I hope I never get that call). I may sound cavalier and that's fine by me because when you've been hurt your whole life you get tired of pretending to care. My sister (blogs as Lil' Ms. J AKA Jeanette Schneider) has written a memoir about it and is presently seeking representation.
A. Grey said "Recovery is a LIFELONG process". Read that as: There is no such thing as "recovered" so it just depends on how many more times you can clean up the mess. There are no more times left in me.
I also believe there are functional alcholics and other than their liver they aren't hurting people much. I have an uncle that drinks a 12 pack of beer a day but he stays home after he opens the first one, works on the house, cars, etc. He's a typical redneck and then he gets up to go to work the next day. He's my favorite uncle, no lie. He'll bust his butt 12 hours a day on the weekend if you have a plumbing problem or a leaky roof so you don't have to hire someone.
I can't give you good advice because I'm jaded. I don't look at myself as a victim until I get the calls to clean up the mess. Then an influx of emotions overtakes me. The longer you put up with it, the harder it will be to break the ties.
Oh and borderline physically abusive is just one step closer to deadly. If someone has impaired judgement then what they think is just a fit of rage and a hard punch can be life-threatening. That's the student nurse in me. I've never been a victim of physical abuse. But we see the after effects of "one last time" too many times. It always escalates. ALWAYS.
My brothers like to drink. One brother likes to drink to excess.
ReplyDeleteHe's been to AA (doesn't go weekly anymore because "I'm better") yet he's broken into a bedroom where he thought we stashed the booze while we were on vacation. We left it with another brother because we knew better than to leave it here. Pretty sad that WE had to take preventative measures, because he's too far gone to care.
Can an alcoholic recover?
SOME can. It's an on-going process. My brother just goes through the motions.
To me, any addiction is a sympton rather than a disease in and of itself. I believe the disease is what lies beneath the need to drink. To me, the behavior in question shows a dispicable level of narcissism. Imagine thinking yourself so entitled to behave the way you want that you would endanger countless people who happened in front of your car, never mind your passengers. Imagine drinking to near death (0.35+ twice???) in your home, where children could find you. Inexcusable, even if someone can cry about having had a hard life. Tough shit. Only a narcissist would then choose to pass on the "hard life" to someone else by scarring others with their behavior. That's pathological arrogance, plain and simple. The difference between the functional and the dysfunctional is the disease producing the symptom, and the integrity of the sick person. Plenty of good people are functional addicts. Dysfunctional addicts...I'll believe it when I meet one. I have no tolerance for this-none whatsoever. They do not deserve the people who grieve for them.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with what A.Grey said. I think it only works if you want it and remember it is a lifelong process.
ReplyDeleteI'm certainly no expert but I'd err on the side of "no" here. Just assume once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. You have nothing to lose.
ReplyDeleteIs alcoholism curable? No. Is alcoholism manageable? Yes.
ReplyDeletei've never met a functioning alcoholic...they may appear to be that way but when it comes down to it there is always that other bad stuff involved.
ReplyDeleteI have lived with several alcoholic's..step-father (abusive, but functioning) and then my ex (also functioning). Both were verbally abusive and my step-father physically abusive. My life is better now that I broke away and my children's lives are better also. It was the hardest decison I ever had to make.
ReplyDeleteits been done but I think it's tough.
ReplyDeletei'm totally inspired to do a post on alcoholism from a therapist point of view on my blog b/c of your posts.
ReplyDeleteoh....i have a blog award for you on my blog today...check it out!
I don't know, honestly. I really believe in the power of the human will. That said, alcohol is addictive and maybe that causes a physical weakness? I don't know. Great question. I have a lot of drinking people in my family but I don't know who's an alcoholic and who's not, because no one is doing the things you listed.
ReplyDeleteI hope everything goes okay with you, if this is related to anything personal.