I've spent most of the afternoon going through Addie's research paper. There were benefits, of course (Addie gave Belle a shower, for example, and Pythagorus read Belle her bedtime story ... these are usually my tasks and I enjoy them, but the break was kind of nice), but for the most part ... ugh!
Addie is literally a writing prodigy. I could read her fiction, poems, and essays happily for the rest of my life. Research papers, though ... painful!!!!!!!!
It got me thinking, though, how Addie lives with an English teacher and a mathematical scholar, yet she very rarely asks for (or accepts) help with her homework. We have an unspoken agreement with our little academic superstar--if the grades are good and you're not acting like a psychopath over lack of sleep, we're not going to nag you since obviously whatever you're doing is working for you.
Like me, Addie is a master procrastinator. However, she knew enough not to ask for assistance of any kind until she had a solid draft (and in her defense, she had rehearsals all week until ten, so she was a busy girl today), and that wasn't done until late this afternoon.
It was good. I was proud of her, and I told her so. She managed to write a research paper that wasn't a total snoozefest, provided information to support both sides of an issue, and framed it with an effective introduction and conclusion. I fixed the commas, some of the word choices, and her Works Cited (Addie has a random inability to do a correct Works Cited ... she has all the information, but it's in the wrong place, and this is the one thing I'll actually fix up for her). That was it. It was a good paper. I'll be surprised if she doesn't get an A. But, most importantly, it was Addie's paper.
It bothers me a great deal when I have assignments that come in with a kid's name on it when I know darn well that his or her parent did the bulk of (if not all of) the work.
Perhaps I feel especially strongly about this issue because I'm a teacher, but where is the line where parents are doing too much "helping"? Did I do Addie a disservice by not rewriting her paper (she's in an Honors class ... there are no doubt parents that will do just that)? Should I have made her write her own damn Works Cited? Should parents let their children sink and swim on their own? Should teachers?
When does "helping" become "enabling", and is this as much of a problem in this country as I think it is?
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Nope, I agree with you. I knew a lot of students who got an excessive amount of help from their parents. It ticked me off because I was one of those kids who ABSOLUTELY REFUSED help of any kind from my parents (except math...my dad is the smartest math guy on the face of the planet). And it just made me think, "Why do those kids deserve the same grade as me, when I actually put in the work?"
ReplyDeleteGood on you, that you only help to a certain extent. Liked the flowers short, by the way. Didn't have time to comment earlier.
Much better to let her do her own work as you have done!!! Bravo!!! I knew of a mother who "helped" over much...when her kids went to college, it wasn't long before the piper had to be paid...it wasn't pretty...So keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteEnabling is a huge problem in our country.
ReplyDeleteFor me, it's a matter of helping my kidlets when they aren't able to do something on their own. This doesn't mean doing it for them, but showing, asking questions, directing them so they can do it for themselves.
It sounds more like you helped her edit it. I know parents who do the bulk of their kid's work sometimes, and it's just wrong. Good luck with her paper and I hope she gets an A!
ReplyDeleteNoooooo! You did NOT do her a disservice! Most of the enablers stop doing their kids' work once they get to college, at which point the little bozos can't string a coherent sentence together. Seriously, if I showed you some of the lab reports I would get...scary. Ask your brother-in-law about some of the kids he encounters. Some of them have been so sheltered it's like they can't interact with an adult that isn't coddling them.
ReplyDeleteThere is a HUGE difference between helping and doing.
ReplyDeleteWhat you have done is 'teach' her how to do something correctly, and what parent or teacher doesn't do that.
My daughter has special needs so we do tend to help her, but we've gotten to an agreement that first she must attempt all her homework on her own and then we will help her.
ReplyDeleteYou've removed the 'other' blog entry. Is everything OK?
ReplyDelete