Thursday, July 7, 2011

Does the Golden Rule Mean Nothing?

I am in kind of a funk at the moment, a definite change from my usual Pollyanna-like existence.

I've been noticing a lot, both in my personal life and in the world around me, that people have a tendency to treat others like crap. It's starting to really get to me, to be perfectly honest with you.

I've gotten to the point as a person, however, where I can look at what is annoying me about other people and ask if I am part of the problem or part of the solution. In other words, is what pissing me off about other people something that I do myself, making me an unintentional hypocrite?

I broke this down to the so-called "Golden Rule"--in other words, treat other people the way you would like to be treated.

If everyone lived this way, if each person on the planet made a conscious effort to extend to others the courtesies that they themselves expect, the world would be a far more pleasant place.

So I asked myself, "How do you treat people?"

In general, I think that I do offer everybody kindness, respect, humor, a willingness to work hard, a ready smile, and a helping hand. At least, that is my perception.

That being said, I am also aware that I am not one to forgive and forget. If a person burns me enough times (and in many cases, there has been an awful lot of burning that's gone on before I finally gave up ... I'm kind of a sucker), I will eventually lose any sort of respect or regard for that person.

But does that change the way I treat them?

Yes and no.

I cannot think of the last time I did something malicious to someone, an action intended purely to cause pain, discomfort, or humiliation. It's just not in my nature, I don't think.

But in terms of going out on a limb for someone that's hurt me or someone close to me or even someone I've never met? As far as I'm concerned, the bridge is broken. I would never initiate the burning of a bridge, wouldn't fan its flames or instigate destruction of any sort, but I've been forced--through observing and witnessing and screaming in agony from hurt and betrayal--to accept that walking away (literally when possible and metaphorically when it's not) is sometimes the only thing you can do.

And that makes me immeasurably sad.

I guess the bottom line is that I do not understand human nature. There seems to be a common need to use the misfortune of others to make yourself feel better, even if you're not the one to instigate said misfortune.

Is it because focusing on the tragedies and tribulations of others allows you to put your own pain and shortcomings and weaknesses and fears into some kind of perspective? I think so.

I love hearing gossip, for instance. Celebrity gossip, workplace gossip, the drama that goes on among my students, and so on ... I enjoy hearing about it. I like to know the dirt. However, I do not myself gossip; I'm not one who'll call up a hundred people and say, "Oh my God, you know what I just heard about Joe Jones?"

I guess I'm rambling, but writing makes me feel better even if I don't come to any sort of conclusion that's going to make a difference in the great scheme of things.

I'd love to know your thoughts on this one, though.

Do you treat other people the way you'd like to be treated? Do you think the concept of everybody taking on this challenge would make the world a better place?

And is that even possible?

12 comments:

  1. One of my old roommates said something that I thought was quite profound on the matter: the Golden Rule is inherently flawed. It is presumptuous to treat people the way you want to be treated. A better rule is to treat people the way they wish to be treated. It sounds like semantics, but I think it's an important distinction.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think that people treat us the way we allow them to. I always treat people well, if they do not reciprocate...then it's bye bye.
    Jane x

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think this is a self-perpetuating problem: People don't care about others because they feel nobody cares about them.

    The only thing we can do to combat the problem is to continue to care and continue to show it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've struggled with this all of my life. Trying to be helpful, generous, patient, kind, loyal - and 9 times out of 10, I've been taken advantage of. Badly. Or ignored because people were "busy"...until they needed something. So I've become very wary of everyone. I still try to be a decent person and try my best and all, but people get out of me what they give. Otherwise, by now I'd just be an empty shell.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I do try {I am human, and hence not perfect} to go by the Golden Rule. I do treat people the way I would like be treated, and would never, ever, cause pain intentionally. As like you, it is not in my nature, and I have had my share of tough experiences to will anyone go through the same "just because". And while I go through life by example, I often do not receive the same kindness. After a few not-so-nice experiences, I give up, and must confess that no longer want to interact with that particular person. To me, it is not worth it, nevertheless, I still go with politeness {greeting good morning, etc.}, yet not further from than that.
    It is my opinion that while we often don't receive the same treat as we offer, and go through sometimes unpleasant experiences, we should continue to follow the Golden Rule. Maybe someone will get inspired by it, and pass it on. A little something can go a long way, and from one person, to the next, maybe someday, the world might be a better place.

    my2cents ;o)
    take care!

    ReplyDelete
  6. @Meghan: Interesting ... my concern with that, though, is that it's sometimes hard to know how people want to be treated. There should be some sort of norms list or something ... dear God, I've been in education too long ;-)

    @Jane: I wish I had your courage. For me, that "bye bye" always takes way too long and causes far too much pain.

    @Bubba: You're absolutely right. It takes a stronger person to do that, definitely!

    @Li: I think I'm in "shell mode" right now, hence why I'm so worked up. Time for some deep breaths, I guess :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. @Claus: Thank you :-) That was very inspiring ... because of course the alternative is to become bitter or uncaring or worse, and it would be all too easy to become part of the problem instead of part of a potential solution (hope springs eternal, right :-)?)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I do try to treat others the way I want to be treated. That being said, sometimes I don't live up to the ideal of "the golden rule." I'm fallible so sometimes I mess up. We all do. I don't expect others to be fallible either. However, if they mess up and apologize and realize their mistake, I have no problem accepting and forgiving them (obviously if they kill my dog or boil my bunny or something like that then it's a whole different story). Great post!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I always try to, but some people make it so hard. I tried honesty with my ex and got lies, mental abuse and manipulation.

    My first instinct is to trust people and respect them until they prove those things to be misplaced (I've always thought that those who do it the other way round are control freaks trying to make me bend to THEIR will). It hurts when it goes wrong, but it goes right more often than wrong.

    You're doing the right thing, for the right reasons, so don't give up. It's not you who is at fault, but those around you who abuse your decentness.

    ReplyDelete
  10. In person I am very quiet and I will speak when spoken too. Until i get to know people then I am a little more vibrant and know what others can handle or can't. I don't like talking about other peoples life because seriously why should I create more drama. I don't like drama. I don't mind listening to some though lol

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm willing to be nice but if it's not returned, you get what you get. A met a person who was nice at first. Then his true personality came out and he expected me to take his verbal/emotional abuse. After a year of trying to deal with it, I told him where he could go.

    And he was shocked...because no one ever had. His other friends dropped like flies without explanation and he didn't understand why. Before I ended our "friendship", he knew why.

    When I met my man, I told him, "I'll talk to you about anything, but you will never yell at me." And he never has. Smart man. ; )

    ReplyDelete
  12. @Alleged Author: We're all fallible, which is why I think this is such a touchy subject. Sometimes I have to stop and reflect on what's bugging me to make sure I'm not guilty of doing the same thing ... and usually I am, to some degree or another. And I promise to keep away from your bunny ;-)

    @Martin: You're right in that it goes right more often than wrong ... thanks for reminding me. I tend to get tunnel vision when I'm in a funk ;-)

    @SB: I'm so glad I'm not the only person who loves listening to drama but not spreading it ... I was starting to think I was really odd ;-)

    @J.J.: Of course he's smart ... he's also lucky! Do you still blog? I know there were some issues going on with it, but if you've changed it to "invite only", please invite me (kloud1026@yahoo(dot)com ... I miss reading your stuff :-)

    ReplyDelete

Are Minorities Discouraged from Taking Upper-Level Classes?: The Elephant in the Room

As a public school teacher for sixteen years, I sometimes feel like I’ve seen it all. I’ve seen Standards come and go (and despite the brou...