Thursday, November 4, 2010

Why Bother ...?

You might have noticed that my absence from the blogosphere has a direct correlation to the start of the new school year. To make the understatement of the decade, things are a little tense at work.

Whenever I start writing a post here, it turns in a direction that leads directly to work, and the nature of my job is such that I can't talk about it publicly. I don't mean to be enigmatic--and I LOVE my students, this has nothing to do with them--but I am finding it very difficult to write under the necessary constraints. And of course not writing makes me crabby, which makes everything seem just even more overwhelming and surreal and utterly ridiculous.

After making extensive effort, overtures, and dedication to what is best for kids and getting shot down, humiliated, or tongue lashed to the point of tears on a daily basis, I want to scream, "Why bother?"

But I don't, of course, because I know the answer. All 100 of them, in fact: kiddos that are the bright spots of every work day.

My pancreatitis is flaring up. Stress is unquestionably playing a role. Percocet, not eating solid food until Saturday, and taking tomorrow off from work will help ... but the problems aren't going anywhere, no matter how hard I try to solve them.

No matter how hard you might try, there are some stones that are just too heavy to move. I'll keep trying, though ... because the education of children is 110% worth the bother.

I'll stop rambling now ... damn Percocet ;-)