Living With Learning Disabilities as an Adult

There is a basic assumption that I am intelligent because
a) I'm a teacher
b) I have an advanced graduate degree
c) I'm a writer (not prolific, true, but one of these days ...)

This is kind of a difficult topic for me to get into because it crosses into the personal more than I'm necessarily comfortable with, but I strongly believe that this is a topic that is under-addressed in society.

I found out when I was a junior in high school, after eleven years of public education, having my IQ tested numerous times (it's in the "superior" range, but I miss out on "genius" by a few points ;-)), and being dismissed as lazy and academically apathetic by virtually all of my teachers, that I have two specific learning disabilities. Several years later, ADHD was added to the mix.

I never had an IEP (special education plan) because my mother did not want me to be enabled. Her philosophy was that life was not going to make accommodations to my disabilities, so I might as well get used to it. Furthermore, I was pretty much about to graduate high school by the time anything would have been in place, so what was the point?

My disabilities were identified through an assessment done at Children's Hospital in Boston, and I cannot say enough good things about that experience. The staff there gave me specific ways that I could take control of both my education and my life (such as recording teacher lectures with a tape recorder, taking tests in silent locations, and so on), and I was a straight-A student my senior year of high school (good thing, too, considering the spotty transcript that preceded that year).

What I had that many students with disabilities don't is an exceptional strength that offset the weaknesses to a degree that I could function to some degree. In my case, of course, it was in the area of reading and, even more so, writing.

I could write an essay about something that I had no idea about, and my teachers would read them aloud as gold standards. I always felt a little guilty about this, but it was how things rolled.

I also have a quasi-photographic visual memory, which has probably been an even greater boon. If I see something, I will remember it with almost total recall, which is kind of a cool skill, I suppose. I am the master of the game Memory ;)

As an educator, I know that there is a label for students like I was--"twice exceptional", which basically means that I had both disabilities and areas of incredible strength.

But my intent with this post isn't to talk about my educational experiences, which would be, I suppose, kind of an interesting post in its own right and might happen one of these days.

No, it's to contemplate how my abilities, much as I know and understand them, have impacted me as an adult. This is an important discussion, I think, because schools today are actually really quick to identify students as disabled, to mass produce IEPs and 504 plans that provide what amounts to "blanket coverage" to ensure a degree of success in school but does not necessarily prepare a disabled child for real life.

I can't speak to a lot of disabilities, but I can bring up the three areas that I have personal experience with.

#1: Auditory Processing
There is absolutely nothing wrong with my hearing, per se, but I miss a lot of what I "hear" because there is a crossed wire (or something) in my brain that doesn't allow me to process what I hear.

This is one of the reasons that I avoid the telephone. It's not that I don't want to talk to people, but if there is any sort of background noise whatsoever (other people talking, the television being on, even something as simple as a fan or a car's engine), I'll more often than not let an incoming call go to voice mail.

It's kind of embarrassing to say, "What?" every time someone else talks.

I also have a tendency to avoid loud crowds of people for the same reason. I have to really struggle to follow conversations (I learned some lip reading through the staff at Children's, but I'm not great at it), and sometimes it's just not worth the trouble.

What I most enjoy, though, is that most professional development offered to teachers is of the "stand and deliver" school of thought. If I don't have something visual to follow, it's sort of like being back in history class listening as hard as I could to a lecture that went in one ear and out the other.

I am not a quiet person by any means (heh heh), but I often come off this way to people I first meet because I am very aware of my auditory processing issue and don't want to be remembered as the chick who kept saying, "What?! Say again, please? What did you say?"

#2: Spatial
Perhaps ironically when you consider my exceptional visual memory, I have virtually no spatial skills.

My mother is very into moving furniture around, for example, and she'll say, "What if we moved this coffee table there and swapped the couch and the loveseat around?" then get very frustrated when I explain that I can't visualize it.

In fact, she'll often try to draw me a map, which makes the situation even worse.

I cannot read maps. I have absolutely no sense of direction--I still get lost in my hometown, and while it qualifies as a city, it's not exactly huge. I think Mapquest, with its breakdown of how many miles you're on each road, is one of the best inventions ever.

I live on a state road that runs all the way to the beach. I once asked my mother if a certain city that was also on "Route 69" meant going east or west. She looked at me as though I was dumb and said, "Um ... what happens if you go east all the way to the end?" When I looked at her blankly, she elaborated, "You hit the ocean. If you don't want to go to the beach, you'd go the other way. That would be west." This was about six months ago.

And then, of course, there's math, which is virtually impossible if you have essentially no spatial skills. How do you explain the concept of a coefficient to someone that doesn't understand numbers? I walked into Algebra I thinking that X meant multiply.

When I took the GRE before applying for grad school, the results were almost funny. Almost. Verbal: 91st (I think ... it was ninety-something) %ile. Analytical: 75th %ile. Math: 3rd %ile. Third. That's kind of embarrassing ... but I was accepted to graduate school and maintained an A average, so I guess it doesn't really matter.

But when my students ask me to help them with math and I just look blankly at the problem, when I'm trying to calculate how many weeks away the first day of school is and I literally need a calendar in front of me to accomplish this, when I get lost on my way to the next town over ...

#3: ADHD
ADHD, perhaps the most misdiagnosed conditions in the world, is probably the condition that most identifies me as a person. Like, my ADHD is kind of a schoolwide joke at work.

Like most adults with ADHD, I
* live in a state of organized chaos. My desk at work, for example, is a landmark ... yet I have the distinction of being a teacher known for not losing student work.
* cannot sit in a meeting for extended periods of time without resorting to annoying habits like tapping my feet, moving around like I have ants in my pants, sitting backwards and sideways in chairs, shuffling papers around, and so on.
* have a fairly extensive history of impulsive, self-destructive behavior. I cannot say no to a dare, for example, because I'll be doing whatever I've been dared to do before my brain says, "Whoa, this is maybe not such a great idea" ... but I've gotten better about this.
* self-medicate (it's caffeine these days, which is far better than some past bad habits)
* need to multi-task, almost to a fault
* hyper-focus on certain things to calm myself down(I learned from a very young age to almost hypnotize myself through the act of reading)
* struggle with finishing what I've started. I have made tremendous progress in this area, but it still exists.
* am either adored (because I'm funny and endearing and goofy and all that) or the source of frustration (because I'm not always serious and am often loud and goofy and need to be reminded to get things done and such)
* am kind of a good time.

Although my disabilities have been the source of a great deal of frustration throughout my life, they are as much a part of who I am as anything else. I've reached a point where I like who I am in general, and I would not be me, the kind of person who enjoys the odd whipped cream fight and appreciates the better parts of myself all the more because of my deficiencies, if I was "normal" (which does not, in my opinion, exist anyway).

Uh ... squirrel!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday Stealing: The Plaid Hat Meme

Here's this week's Sunday Stealing offering. How wrong is it that I enjoy this tremendously ;-)?

1. When showering, do you start the water and then get in, or get in then start the water?
I get in the start the shower. The way my shower is set up, there's no other option ... unless I wanted to use a yardstick or something.

2. Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex?
Hmmm...yup :-)

3. Were you ever been forced to shower with one of your siblings?
Baths, not showers ... and, yup, there's photographic evidence. Ugh.

4. Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot?
A better question would be have I ever NOT dropped soap on my foot? I'm a notorious klutz ;-)

5. How old do people say you look?
I hear everything from late twenties to early fifties (that was a student who was not a big fan of mine ... I think she was looking for a rise out of me).

6. How old do you act?
It depends on the mood I'm in and the company I'm with. It really runs the gamut ;-)

7. What’s the last song you sang?
The theme song for one of Belle's "Strawberry Shortcake" movies. It's catchy ;-)

8. Have you recently become a member of anything?
Not that I can think of ... I've actually become quite dull since vacation has started.

9. What are your plans for next weekend?
Not sure yet ... I'm not exactly outstanding about planning ahead.

10. Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed?
Both.

11. Whats the sexiest thing about Sarah Palin?
Nothing ... she's an idiot.

12. Who’s the sexiest famous woman alive?
Kate Winslet. She seems so comfortable with her body.

13. Who’s the sexiest famous man alive?
Oh, Johnny Depp, no question.

14. Does your family have a crazy uncle?
Doesn't every family have a crazy uncle? Mine has a few, actually.

15. Have you ever smuggled something into another country?
Heehee, yup. Most interesting was when I brought Cuban cigars back from Canada on my honeymoon. I hope my brother appreciated them ...

16. Do you live in a city with a good sports team?
Nope, but we do lay claim to Boston's teams, which are of course the best :-)

17. What is the most unusual?
The most unusual what? Sports team? Meme? (not this one ...)

18. How do feel about the Goth people?
I have a "live and let live" mindset.

19. Can you fix or your significant other your own car?
This is awkwardly phrased to the point where it's bugging me. I can correct poor grammar, but my own car? Nope.

20. Would you want to kill Casey Anthony yourself if you were guaranteed to get away with it?
While I believe that Casey Anthony killed her daughter and should rot in prison forever, the judicial system disagrees. Would I kill her myself? No, I am non-violent ... but I'd happily pass the opportunity to someone else.

The "My Child is Going to Be a Model" Adventure

My child is going to be a model.  I am a person who cares almost nothing about fashion, and I strive to make parenting decisions based on what will ultimately make my children be good people.

And my child is going to be a model.

Whenever people hear about this development, particularly people that know me in real life, they ask the obvious question: how did this come to be?

My stepdad, one of the wisest human beings that I've ever met, had an adage that he lived by. "The universe works," he always said. Sometimes, when things happen that seem bad or wrong or odd or whatever, he'd repeat that phrase and encourage us to just go with it.

Belle's modeling saga, from beginning to where we're at right now, has been a case of the universe working ... and us just sort of going with it.

Okay, here's what happened.

Addie is in her school's marching band, and my mother and Belle were dropping her off so that she could play in the Christmas Parade. They were listening to the radio, which is unusual because my mother virtually never drives with the radio on.

An ad came on giving away a free spot in an upcoming open audition to a children's talent event in Boston. Addie started calling the radio station and eventually got through. As Belle's parent, I needed to give permission, and I wasn't in the car with them, so Addie gave them my cell phone number, thinking they'd never actually take the time to call.

They did. I had a long chat with someone from the Disney Channel (which gave it an air of legitimacy) and agreed to bring Belle to Boston for the open audition.

This was in early December, so my mother and I figured it'd be a great chance to do some Christmas shopping in Boston, have an adventure, and so on. We never dreamed it would go any further than that.

The woman on the phone had said to have Belle dressed "business casual", so of course we had to take her shopping to get an outfit that was seven-year-old business casual. My mother took her to a local children's clothing specialty store, and they came up with this.

So off we go to a beautiful hotel in Boston, where what seemed like a million children of all ages dressed in various degrees of finery were running around.

When we went into the bathroom to put Belle's business casual ensemble on, we heard some pretty strange things. Parents were bribing their children with Wiis and dollhouses and anything else you can think of. One mother grabbed her young son, who was whining about wanting to be outside playing, and hissed, "You'd better not f*ck this up for me!"

It was pretty surreal, especially since we were there as a lark.

Anyway, of the thousands of kids there that went through a variety of screen tests and interviews and so on, they picked ten to invite to an April showcase in Disney World.

Belle was one of the ten.

We had to go shopping, of course, to get her all different types of clothes--black and white, beachwear, trendy, more business casual, formal, and so on.

We also had to take her back to Boston to get professional pictures done. Here are a couple more of them.

So then we had to make arrangements to get to Florida--my mother and Addie were also going.

Now, I am terrified of flying. Just ... scared to death. I haven't been on an airplane since I was in third grade, but I was obviously going to have to get over myself, get some good drugs from the doctor, and go for it.

As it turned out, I had a medical emergency (the details of which are rather disgusting, although I'll probably blog about that whole sitch at some point) come up a couple of days before we were supposed to leave, so my mother and Addie, both saints, agreed to go forward anyway.

Now, the showcase people were very upfront about requirements. Each child had to perform a dramatic monologue, a comedic monologue, a variety of ads, soap opera scripts, sitcom scripts, and so forth.

Because my family was still seeing this as kind of a joke, we didn't exactly kill ourselves preparing Belle, who was most looking forward to riding Everest at Animal Kingdom with Addie (which she did ... twice. My daughters are roller coaster maniacs).

I guess a lot of the children there had been drilled and prepped and otherwise forced to spend a huge amount of time being ready to perform. Our bottom line was that we wanted Belle to have fun.

Belle spent most of her time at the showcase playing in the pool with another little girl whose parents were, like us, kind of laissez-faire about the whole thing. She went to the workshops, of course, and performed her monologues and scripts and so on (Addie worked literal magic at getting her to memorize her parts).

The last morning, the aspiring child models/actors handed out Zed cards (business cards for models with three pictures and contact information on them) and headshots with resumes attached (and can I just tell you how hard it is writing a resume for a first grader? Her skills included jumproping and being able to "do" a British accent, which she demonstrated to us one day about a year ago by coming out with, "Do you have to go to the loo, darling?").

And then it was time for callbacks.

When my mother texted me that Belle had gotten two callbacks, I almost had a heart attack. I, of course, texted back that they must give out callbacks to everyone as some kind of formality, but evidently a lot of kids didn't get even one callback.

So Belle and my mother went to her callbacks, and both agents, one based out of Boston and one out of New York City, expressed interest in representing her. They gave my mother their e-mail addresses so that I could contact them since only a parent can sign a contract.

After my girls and my mother got home from Florida, the craziness of spring heated up and I kept meaning to e-mail the agents, but I forgot to. Or, when I remembered, my mother couldn't remember where she'd put them, and then when she found them, I didn't have time to e-mail, and so on. It just didn't happen. It would have eventually, of course, but then something really strange happened.

I got a phone call from a talent agency that had not been one of the ones to offer Belle a callback at the Florida showcase. What took my breath away was that it was a company I'd actually heard of.

I guess they are so big and stuff that they didn't do any callbacks at the showcase, just collected Zed cards and resumes for future perusal. Anyway, the secretary I spoke with said they are very interested in representing Belle, and we set up a meeting in their New York office for this Tuesday.

My mother, Belle, and I are leaving tomorrow for New York City to undertake the latest step in the great modeling saga. We debated taking the train or even (gulp) flying, but we're going to drive.

I'm taking Belle to get her hair trimmed this afternoon, and she and her Mimi went shopping this morning for sunglasses and new flip-flops. Belle is absolutely bouncing off the walls with excitement, and I'm looking forward to it because, even if nothing comes of it, it continues to be an interesting adventure.

I posted this pic of Addie and Belle on my Facebook wall shortly before they left for Florida, making a crack about how Addie probably looks more model contract-worthy than Belle. We try not to take ourselves too seriously around here ;-)

The thing is, Belle doesn't always look great in candids, but the professional photographers took over 500 pics of her (we have them on a disk), and there isn't a single bad one there. The camera (well, the professional camera, anyway ;-)) loves Belle, and she thought that dressing up in different outfits to get pictures taken for hours was the highlight of fun.

I knew that Addie was a musician from the time she was a very young child. She was teaching herself songs on the piano when she was three or four, and that made it really easy to see where to focus her passions in terms of lessons and providing instruments and so on.

Belle has never really demonstrated a true passion for anything (other than being a character ... she has got to be one of the funniest kids ever, I swear) before this accidental modeling/acting thing kind of fell into our laps. Now, she memorizes monologues for fun, puts on "shows" all the time, and revels in dressing up to get pictures taken. (This is when she isn't working on her lemonade stand to donate money to Santa Claus because, you know, the elves can't make some things and if they're really expensive some deserving kids might miss out ... that kid is just a trip and a half, I swear)

Even though I despise the whole "Toddlers with Tiaras" concept, I'm going along with this because it is Belle's desire to do so.

And also, of course, because the universe has been working in a lot of interesting ways to keep this whole thing moving ... and, as my stepdad would say, who am I to fight with fate?

I'm sure there will be lots of blog about after our NYC meeting on Tuesday.

So How Do You Date When You're 34?

This is me. I am sad. Here's the story ...

I volunteered to chaperone a dance last night for my schooltown's (as opposed to my hometown) youth community center.  It was virtually all middle school kids, and they thought it was more fun to stand around and complain, text each other (when they were in the same gym ... I just don't get it), and try to touch the bottoms of the basketball nets.  My friend Holly was also chaperoning, though, so it could have been worse.

Holly and I knew we would need to go get a drink after the dance ended, so we texted our friend Harry and he agreed to meet us at the restaurant where Holly's husband bartends. It was pretty low-key, but it was nice to hang out with my friends for a bit.

Anyway, I got home and I could not sleep. It was just totally dreadful. I'm an old hat at insomnia, but last night was rough (if you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you can see how unpleasant I was at one in the morning).

I tried all the tricks--deep breathing, relaxation techniques, shutting the light out, keeping the light on, getting an extra pillow, and so on. It was far too late for pharmaceutical assistance considering that I had to get up with Belle, so I finally just put on my iPod and listened to music.

Worst mistake ever. Now, I love music--it is, in fact, one of my favorite things in the world. For some reason, though, the playlist I had going was heavy on some stuff I don't want to admit having on my iPod, but I guess I need to in order to get this post back on track. We're talking Peter Cetera's "Glory of Love", Howie Day's "Collide", Boston's "Amanda", Sinead O'Connor's "Nothing Compares 2 U", just embarrassing schmaltz like that. It's like my iPod was trying to depress me or something (I did put on the Barenaked Ladies/Chili Peppers/Dave Matthews Band playlist, but it was of course too late by then).

I posted recently about logistical challenges faced by single folks, but last night I got hit hard with the, "Everyone else in the world is happy and with someone and you are alone" pity party. Not a good place to be.

I don't normally go into detail about certain parts of my life, and dating is one of them. Just because somebody hangs out with me does not mean that he should be blog-fodder. The sad thing is, though, that I can pretty much generalize that my dating forays over the past year have involved a) men who think they will get sex on a first date (I don't pretend to be a saint, but this is really almost comical), b) men who drink a lot of alcohol (not that I'm against alcohol, but it's just kind of a collectively large--and therefore noteworthy--amount), and c) men who really don't know what they want out of life. Oh, and let's not forget d) men who are married but still think you will give them sex because you went to high school together or you know their parents or whatever.

Where are the men who are nice and normal? Do they exist in the year 2011? I'm convinced they don't in the northeastern United States, at least.

Bottom line, I am tired of being alone. Last night, when Holly was joking around with her husband about how she wasn't leaving him a tip because it would be like him tipping himself or when Harry was talking about his girlfriend pulling the grays out of his hair when they're in bed at night, I felt lonelier than I've perhaps ever felt in my life.

Man, I need to listen to something uplifting next time--Nirvana, maybe, or Seether. Heeheehee.

Oh, and if you want to make me smile, enter my very cool giveaway :-)

Rants and Raves: An Update

In trying to figure out what to write about tonight, I was reminded of a "rant and rave" post I'd done before. You know, you "rave" about all the great stuff going on and you "rant" about what sucks. Anyway, I went back and found it ... turns out it's for "Rant and Rave Wednesday", but I figured that Monday is an even better time.

So, here are my Rants and Raves for the past week.

RAVE: Pythagorus ended up in the hospital for the usual reason (although, as always, there's an interesting twist to it). Anyway, he's out of the hospital now and is recuperating with relatives. Also, he seems to have not been drinking since he got out of the hospital.

RANT: Somebody that I care deeply about told me today that I'm a lot like my mother. It was meant in most uncomplimentary terms.

RAVE: Had a great day at the Boston Museum of Science yesterday. I did not get electrified this time, but it was still a lot of fun.

RANT: My BlackBerry continues to need physical abuse in order to function properly. It's kind of embarrassing to be slapping my phone in public.

RAVE: My cousins are helping out with transporting Belle to and from camp since I'm on a crazy work schedule this summer. Yeah, whoever said teachers had summers easy is completely nuts ...

RANT: My dog is even more scared of thunderstorms than I am, and we had a bad one today. She was shaking all over and just scared to death--her heart was beating so fast I was afraid she was going to have a heart attack or something. It was horrible not being able to comfort her as well as I could have because I was so scared myself.

RAVE: My mother, who's in Italy for another week, left Addie a list of chores ... and Addie is actually doing them! She's also been making some amazing strides with her piano.

And I guess that's about it, in a nutshell. It's kind of a neat way to put things into perspective. Give it a try on your blog :-)

Branching Out: Monster Trucks and Electrified Hair

I have a pretty quiet life in the great scheme of things. My hobbies and endeavors are generally suited to simple and mellow pasttimes like reading, writing, walking on the beach, that sort of stuff.

I had an insane weekend. Just ... freaking insane. I'm at a very odd juncture, and it just felt so good to do stuff so ridiculously out of character. Does this mean I am going off the deep end, or is it healthy?

After I got out of work on Friday, I brought Addie home (per her request), then Belle and I went back to my school to watch the boys basketball team. Andy met us there, and we watched a great game (we won!) then went out to dinner, where we were very immature with mussels.



Andy won tickets on the radio and was so excited about winning tickets on the radio that he wasn't sure what he won tickets to. Yeah ... a Monster Truck show. I wasn't going to go at first because I am not exactly a member of the Monster Truck scene, to say the least, but it seemed like potentially a good opportunity to contemplate sociology, so I figured I'd go. We went out to dinner with my friend B.J. then hit the Monster Truck event full force.

So this is a truck named (called?) Grave Digger.



And here's one called Mutt Monster, or something like that (it's a giant dog-looking thing ... driven by a woman, too, which was very cool).



Belle and Andy's daughter Dawn came as well, so earplugs were a necessity. Here's Andy putting in Belle's earplugs.





I was a little overwhelmed by all the excitement ...



Andy was pretty into the whole Monster Truck thing. I kind of think he's a loser for it ;)



So to regain some semblance of cultural sanity, we hit the Museum of Science in Boston on Sunday. It was amazing. There's a Harry Potter exhibit that just blew my mind ... if you are a fan of the Harry Potter books and will be anywhere near Boston before February 21st, I strongly urge you to go. It was just unbelievable!

In vintage me and Andy fashion, we had half a pizza left and were bringing it out to the car so we didn't have to carry it around when we decided it would be a really good idea to rent a locker instead. Here is our locker with leftover pizza (don't worry, there was a cover for it ... the picture just seems more entertaining when you can see the pizza in a locker) and Belle and Dawn's wands from the Harry Potter exhibit.



We saw a lot of other really cool stuff there, notably a juggling performance that taught the concept of atoms and an Omni Theater presentation about Antarctica. So neat! We ended up watching a show about electricity that got pretty interactive at one point ... well, for me, anyway :)



So am I regressing into who I used to be or am I progressing into a happier and more well-rounded person? I don't know, but either way, this was definitely a weekend of branching out ... and I don't think that's ever a bad thing.

The Significance of Setting

As any regular readers of this blog know, I have three careers--mother, writer, and English teacher. I take all three of these jobs very seriously, and I've noticed since beginning this blog the overlap that exists between my triumvirate.

Sometimes I think my brain can only focus on one thing at a time. At the moment, I'm completely hung up on setting. I've been rereading both my finished manuscript and my current WIP frenetically with an eye to setting. It's gotten me thinking a lot about whether or not where a book takes place plays a major role with readers' experiences with the piece.

Let me explain ...

I've been rereading Dennis Lehane's mystery series featuring private detectives Patrick Kenzie and Angie Gennaro. As private detectives, Patrick and Angie are able to investigate cases differently than police officers (for example, one of their best friends sells guns to criminals, but he helps them get a lot of information because he's in the midst of that world). What I really like about these books, though, is that they take place in Boston. Since I only live an hour away from Boston, I've gotten to visit that great city quite a bit, and it's really neat to see places and landmarks I know incorporated into literature.

I have to admit that I enjoy the quick, fast-paced, ridiculously twisty-turvy mysteries. I eat them up like popcorn. I love Jonathan Kellerman's Alex Delaware mysteries, for example, but I wonder if I'd love them even more if I'd ever been to California. Does it really make a difference? And could it even go the other way ... in other words, is my interpretation of Kellerman's depiction of L.A. more true of what he intends than it would be if I'd walked the city streets and viewed the Pacific on my own? Would someone who's never been to Boston feel differently about Lehane's works?

I'm teaching summer school right now, and Walter Dean Myers' Monster is a hot commodity. The book takes place in a juvenile detention center in Manhattan ... and, of course, a courtroom. It struck me today how kids in a small New Hampshire town are able to relate to this decidedly different setting.

So how important is a book's setting? Can it detract as well as add to a reader's experience with a book? Is it limiting? Would it be better to have a work that could take place anywhere, a book that could appeal to everyone through its universality? Is that even possible : ) ?