Write What You Know--Why Have I Been Avoiding This?

How do you write? One word at a time. It's elementary, really. However, the root of the question involves the ideas, the meat. Writing needs to be more than just words strung together well.

Confession time ... I haven't written in months. Part of it is no doubt related to the chaos with Pythagorus, hanging out with Andy and going with that flow, teaching amazing children English, and of course my fabulous daughters.

The truth is, I'm afraid. Yup, I am scared.

I have, for a long time, used writing fiction to deal with my problems. Turning things like unspeakable violence and loss into things experienced by my characters gives me an element of control that helps me come to terms with things in my own way at my own time.

It's funny, though, how blogging has really allowed me to address some of these things in terms of me. More importantly, though, it has forced me to slow down, to consider things in a more thoughtful and less impulsive way. There are some remarkable, thoughtful people that read this blog, and sometimes I want to yell, "I need some freaking advice here! Some of you are wise in ways I will never be--what do I DO about this? How do I act?", but the double-edged sword to having a public blog is that you never know who is reading. There are some things that have to be kept private.

Which ironically leads me to my point, I guess. Yes, I just wrote "There are some things that have to be kept private" ... and yet I'm gearing up to write a memoir. I think that I've finally reached the point where I can write about the last year of my life--a year when I lost everything I have because of my husband's alcoholism and mental health issues--in a way that is healthy and, perhaps more importantly, helpful to people.

Write about what you know, they say ... and I say it to, to my students all the time, but more and more to myself even as I realize that it's what I've been doing all along. I'm just all of a sudden aware of it.

It's Hard to Give a Compliment These Days ...

Yes, I said compliment. After all, it's easy as heck to give a complaint ;)

So I got my hair cut Friday night and, as usual, it looked damn good after the hairdresser had done all the blow-drying and straight-ironing I never have time to do. The next morning, not so much, but that night, I was pretty pumped about it.

Being as I am in many ways a true epitomization (is that even a word) of the day and age, my first thought was, "I have GOT to take a picture to put on Facebook." I took about thirty pictures before coming out with this:



My Facebook started popping like crazy, of course, my BlackBerry buzzing so hard that I got looks at the grocery store. And the gist of what my friends on Facebook had to say was, "Wow, that's beautiful! It doesn't even LOOK like you!" (and, directly behind that, "Damn, girl, you've lost a lot of weight!"

I am, of course, able to appreciate the intent of the comments rather than reading too much into them (Do I usually look so awful that a halfway decent picture doesn't even look like me? Am I so damn fat that one picture sets off an outcry about my weight loss?) ... but there are people that aren't.

How sad is it that we live in a world where you have to be as careful of compliments as you do anything else?

**And for those of you that have noticed my absence from the blogosphere, thanks for your concern :). There are so many things going on in my life right now that are tied far too closely to other people for me to blog about. It'll all come out sometime, I'm sure ;) : ) :(

Knowing the Minds and Hearts of Others

I seem to attract people with a tendency to avoid sharing their minds and hearts. The old adage claims that actions speak louder than words, but sometimes you just need to hear the words.

Sometimes you just want to know what exactly is going on in the minds and, perhaps more importantly, hearts of other people.

Or would this be a mixed blessing? A blessed curse? Please let me know what you think ...

Such a Thing as Situationally Shy?

Tonight was the student showcase at my school, basically parent/teacher conferences part deux. I've taken to Facebook to express my woes, namely that the very mention of parent/teacher conferences makes me nauseous.

No, I'm not exaggerating. The fact that I only threw up once today is a major victory in terms of my nerves on parent/teacher conference night.

What got me thinking is the response that some of my Facebook friends had. The overwhelming message (and this came from people who know me in real life, one of whom was my best friend in high school) was, "You? Shy? Are you CRAZY? You're joking, right?"

When I've tried to explain this in the past, people tend to say, "You're really funny, K, your freaking JOB is to stand up in front of people all day." Well, yes, that may be true ... but I stand up in front of children all day, children who think I know what I'm talking about. I don't stand up in front of people that might want to criticize what I do, or question my abilities, or imply that last year's teacher (or the one they'll have next year) was a better match.

The craziest thing is, I've never had this happen to me. It's just my own ridiculous perfectionist complex that gets me so worked up. I do stutter, though, and repeat myself and lose my train of thought of do things like refer to "snowboards" as "snowmobiles" and ... well, yeah, you get the idea. I am stricken by a wave of shyness.

And people don't believe that this is possible. I might be a teacher, I might be kind of no holds barred in real life and I'll say what I'm going to say and do what I'm going to do (I told a guy who was smoking right by the door to the ski school to take his cigarettes elsewhere on Sunday ... and I'll walk into Burger King and correct their sign if they say "Whopper's are $.99.") ... but when it comes to parent/teacher conferences, shy is the only word that comes to mind. Well, shy and vomit : (

So do you believe someone can be situationally shy? If not, why? If so, what suggestions might you have for getting over it :)?

P.S. Formspring is open. Ask me questions HERE, no matter how strange : ) I'm enjoying this!

Curious? Ask a Formspring Question

A new blog craze seems to be formsprings. Basically, that means that I'm opening it up to you to ask me any questions you'd like. I will answer anything you ask me (now that's a dangerous statement if I've ever heard one ;)).

Here's the link to my Formspring:

Ask away : )

You can also ask questions in the comments here and I'll answer them in future posts. It took me a bit to figure out the Formspring thing, although it's very cool now that I've (sort of) got the hang of it : )

PS. Oh, and I'm finally motivated to actually post this after reading Novelista Barista's similar post. Her blog is awesome ... you should really check it out :)

Oh, and one more thing ... if you have a Formspring, please put a link to your Formspring in the comments of this post. Please and thank you : )

To Read is to Breathe

In honor of Dr. Seuss' birthday, I decided to give my freshmen a quote about reading for our Tuesday quickwrite. Since I had a meeting this morning and didn't have time to go searching for that perfect quote, I had to grab for one quick within the dusty annals of my brain.

What I came up with is this, ironically taken from Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird, a book that they will be reading in about a month:

"Until I feared I would lose it, I never loved to read. One does not love breathing."

Turns out that was the proverbial perfect quote. Sometimes my students really surprise me, and this was one of those days. Not only did they understand the gist of the quote, they really started connecting it to their own lives on a--dare I say it--philosophical level : )

In my world, reading is essentially akin to breathing. It is something I do to relax, to learn, to escape, to entertain, and so on and so forth. I learned how to read at a very young age and have never really stopped. Simply put, I cannot imagine my life without books. It would be like existing without a right hand.

So what about you? Is reading your breath? If not, is there anything in your life (beyond children, of course ... speaking for myself at least, that goes without saying) that you would equate with breathing?

Lightbulbs and Stories

I caught up with a student I had last semester in my Poetry class today in the lobby during my prep period. His growth as a poet over the course of half a year was nothing short of remarkable, particularly in terms of developing his own style and themes. He's working on moving on the next step artistically now--changing up styles and themes.

He told me that he is trying to write a series of poems set up as short stories. He has the imagination and the vocabulary to really make an impact, which is cool ... and it's even cooler that he's challenging himself. Coolest of all, though, is the increase in confidence this kid is demonstrating.

"I want to write about a light bulb," he said.

I looked at him quizzically. "A light bulb?"

"Well, about a guy who wakes up one morning and sees a light bulb. It sort of makes him ..."

"See the light?"

He laughed. "Yeah, pretty much. You know, it's interesting about light bulbs."

"How so?"

"Well, if you turn a light bulb on, it means one thing metaphorically and if you turn it off, it means something else." He paused. "But then, if you think about it, it could mean the exact opposite. Both on and off."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I said, "You should write a story about Thomas Edison and the invention of the light bulb. And use the word 'illumination.'"

"Nah, I've already used the word 'illumination' in a lot of my poems."

"That's true."

"And I think I'd rather try to write a story about a guy who wakes up and sees a lightbulb and starts going in those metaphoric directions. Not that Thomas Edison isn't interesting," he added quickly.

"Well, make sure you let me read it when you're done," I said.

He smiled. "I'm sure you'll be reading it before it's done."

As he went to class, it occurred to me the true value of a teacher. Honestly, this kid and his classmates taught me more about writing poetry than I ever taught them, and yet they give me so much credit ... and for what?

It's just a matter of believing in them, of giving them the time and space and support to find their own voices. Some kids never do, of course, but when it does work out, it is just one of the most amazing feelings in the world : )