tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3196908370614674789.post8280715501611728223..comments2024-03-27T03:11:25.622-04:00Comments on The Philosophy of KLo: Stillbirths: What Nobody Wants to Talk AboutAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13955854427063032485noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3196908370614674789.post-1012557353301397422014-08-20T00:25:37.112-04:002014-08-20T00:25:37.112-04:00This story made me cry. :( I cannot imagine the k...This story made me cry. :( I cannot imagine the kind of pain or loss "Joanie" experienced - I have never been a mother - but my heart aches for her just the same. Someone I know recently went through a similar loss of a child. She had a stressful pregnancy, was on bed-rest in the last weeks, but there was nothing during the pregnancy to indicate her baby would be anything but a healthy baby brother to their small daughter. Her baby boy was not stillborn, though, nor was he born premature. He was born right on time, but there was a problem at delivery, and he was immediately transferred to the prenatal ICU. He died four days later. His parents had held him, had given him a name. There had been a baby shower, and maternity leave. And then he was born. They saw him take his first breath... and ultimately... his last, while in their arms. And you are right. There is no etiquette for handling this kind of trauma, loss. And, like you, I found myself having no clue how to handle it. I hadn't even learned about the ordeal until weeks later. Anything I thought I might say sounded insensitive, or cliché. I feared anything I said might be like pouring salt on the wounds. It took me days to figure out what to say, how to react. I think peoples' first impulse is to try to cheer up the person... which I think is a mistake... almost it is a defense mechanism people use to deflect their own discomfort of the situation. I did not do that. How could I? I would never dream of trying to cheer someone up, in that way. Not for lack of compassion, no... just the opposite, in fact. The act of cheering someone up... someone who has just gone through just an overwhelming loss... just so you can avoid that "inconvenient" uncomfortable feeling of helplessness? That... is perhaps even crueler. And very selfish of people to expect the person to just cheer up. It is impossible. People need to grieve. People need your support. They need your ears, your friendship, and your shoulders to cry on. So that is exactly what I offered. Thanks for sharing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3196908370614674789.post-61785298294444778582014-05-27T14:05:02.501-04:002014-05-27T14:05:02.501-04:00What a sad story. It sounds like HJ would of been...What a sad story. It sounds like HJ would of been a very loved baby!Luvbug69https://www.blogger.com/profile/05721975271559630424noreply@blogger.com